Control

chapter 1 <Awful Energy>

The brick wall never felt this mellow as it came in contact with my troubled mind. A single drop traces down my cheek signaling that the dim skies are parting. I tried to obtain the heavy gasps that deflated from my lungs, but I was eminently failing, the audible growls escaped my lips violently reflecting my vexed dilemma.

I shoved my hand into my worn-out backpack grasping the small plastic bag that held my medication. I jerked the bag open and clutched on to one of the many needles and grabbed one of the only three vials left. I gritted my teeth trying to adjust the jagged object into the medication bottle only for it to slip out of my trembling fingers, and break with the fluid escaping it.

"God damn it!"

my voice echoed through the hushed alley that I've subconsciously carried myself to. With both of my struggling hands  I pulled on to my disheveled wet hair screeching for self-control, my sanity and fury are fighting for dominance over my nerves and quite frankly my anger is victorious.   

Axel chuckled. "A little irritated are we?"

Him.

Everyone has that inner voice of guidance, the voice that we may or may not follow but it's there, it illuminates our every thought, it echoes each step we've taken as we live, and it may befit our mistakes for the better or for others it may worsen them, but at the end it's your choice to follow it. It doesn't empower your senses, it doesn't reign your nerves, it's a choice we take and we endure the consequences later.

But what if that voice wasn't some verbal speech of consciousness secluded in your mind but someone.

Someone who takes authority over your senses, and electrifies your every nerve with a blood boiling hunger to kill.

Like a demonic spirit that has broken into your body taking its claim upon it and what it does. A hacker who has cracked my code, programmed me by displaying a set of numerals and functions for me to unwillingly follow.

he goes by Axel. his voice has been echoing in my head for as long as I could remember and until now i still couldn't figure out what the hell it or he is.

I was his little marionette, and with every string he shifted was the conclusion of a bloody slaughter.

"Oh come on dear Adrian, you're just going to let him do this to you?" I leisurely take hold of another vial.

"Don't you want your hands covered in his blood? Aren't you thirsty for his tortured pleads?"  I sucked in the air trying to compose the rage burning inside me, and with my other hand grabbed the needle.

"Just drop the medication, let out your wrath on him." I cautiously jabbed the needle into the bottle, filling the barrel to the brim.

"The bastard provoked us, set us up, and kicked us out of the closest thing of a household to us."  I detached the needle from the bottle and adjusted it on my arm.

"He almost killed us." I forced it into my skin already used to the prickling sensation. I bit my lip and closed my eyes shut in exhaustion, The cure slowly working its way through my faltered body.

"You are not me." I retorted in a whisper with evident bitterness. He chuckled again. "Only in a few hours Adrian, only in a few hours."

Axel forcefully made his way out of my thoughts along with the tension that took over me. I wiped my wet forehead not really sure if its sweat or the result of the airy October drizzle.

Axel was right, the medication was only temporary, it won't be long until he blinds me with rage, and turns me into his personal deformed homicidal instrument.

In a matter of minutes I composed my breathing and extended my vision. Still cursing that god forsaking name of this demonic asshole who has dawned me with distraught and agony through my life, I snatch the "cancer stick", as my mother would have addressed it, and lit it.

I inhaled the unfriendly content letting it circulate my suffocated lungs and gradually released it through my nostrils with great ease letting my mind escape for a while.

After a couple of irritated puffs I let my eyes fall on the thin object between my fingertips, observing it with great curiosity and bewilderment. Realization hit me and I noticed the resemblance it had with my situation.

The cigarette is only harmless when unlit, it's no threat to the human health when it doesn't torch with fire. Only when someone triggers the lighter the cigarette brings illness and threat upon man's health. Several people never take notice of what their actions and choices might lead to, which later on results to their sufferings and dilemmas.

I was the cigarette and he was the lighter.

When someone triggers Axel, he starts burning my soul with uncontrollable fury and rage, turning me into this intoxicated harmful object, encouraging me to suffocate the innocent and torture them heartlessly.

I'm a walking threat brought upon society.

Naturally anyone would've wondered why don't you just jump off a cliff or  shove a damn gun to the side of your head. In all sincerity and with no remorse i have tried to put myself on the line a couple of times, but it only ticked Axel which led to the unplanned death upon another individual. So that's why I live on these medications.

They're nothing noteworthy, just a couple of antidepressants that I stole from pharmacies there and there, and for some unusual reason they tame the awful energy within me but as I mentioned before it's only temporary.

The ashes are at the peak of taking over the cigarette and so I toss it on the ground only to step on it with the back of my shabby grey converse. I let my shoulders slouch from their previous strained position taking in my current situation.

I was kicked out of the ram shackled space that used to be my 'settlement' for not paying the bills on time, and the owner threatened me on gun point for trying to negotiate upon the matter.  I planned on resting in this alley for the night and tomorrow I'll try to find refuge.

Well that was definitely not a first.

Sighing in weariness, I decided to doze off right where I'm positioned, with only the illumination of the midnight moon, and the recognizable but calm noise of the city that never sleeps.

My eye lids heavily shut, and in this lonesome alley my mind only prays for a change, still grasping to that little hope that somehow someday everything will be fine, or so I'd try to convince myself only to keep going.