A Letter To You

Letter Number 14 - Shattered

I really had no idea what to say to you. I wasn’t a very creative person. I had never really been in a situation like yours. Back in Australia I only had a few friends, and we never fought or got angry at each other. Admittedly my best friend Emma hadn’t said a word to me since I left, but that was a different situation entirely.

“Okay pickle, I can see this isn’t your forte, but thank you for trying” you smiled. A couple of seconds later you wrapped your arms around my waist and hugged me tightly to you. I instantly wrapped my arms around your neck before nestling my head against your chest.

For a few moments we stood peacefully in each other’s embrace. However what happened next changed my perspective on a lot of things.

“Ollie!” I heard an unknown voice bellow from behind me “What the fuck are you doing!”

At that moment everything was shattered into a million pieces. The relationship we’d built, my trust in you and how much I thought you cared about me came crashing down around me. Everything was broken.

One second I was cuddled in your arms, and the next I was plummeting towards the concrete floor. I’m not entirely sure what happened, but as soon as you heard the unknown voice you pushed me away from you as hard as you could, as if I was a flimsy rag doll.

I was taken by so much surprise that I lost my footing and fell backwards onto the floor, my head hitting the cold concrete with an unforgiving crack.

“I’m telling you mate, this one’s delusional! She just attacked me!” you said, making your friend burst out laughing.

Slowly I sat myself up, my head throbbing. I was trying so hard to contain the tears that so desperately wanted to run down my face. I couldn’t afford to make myself look weaker then I already did. I couldn’t believe you, I really couldn’t. Things had been going so well, and then you went and pulled a stunt like that, the one thing that would break my trust barrier. You physically hurt me, and that was the one thing you promised never to do.

Did you even realise when you walked off that I’d cut my head? A rock or something had cut my temple and thick red blood was oozing out of the scrape. Did you not realise, or did I genuinely mean that little to you? Was I being naive believing you actually cared about me?

“That’s alright, you just had me worried for a moment there. I thought you were willingly hugging the freak” your friend said, chuckling to himself in that arrogant, ‘I’m better then you’ way.

“Naa mate, she’s too much of a freak for my liking. Plus she comes from a broken family,” you paused, moving in closer to your friends ear “her dad’s in prison” you whispered, although, I still heard you. I couldn’t believe you’d told him that. I’d told you that in confidence. I didn’t want people to know my father was in jail, the same way I didn’t want people to know I suffered from depression. People would treat me weirdly and I didn’t want that. Not to mention I didn’t want people questioning why he was in prison, or trying to find out themselves. They could probably pretty easily find the story on the internet if they knew my father’s name.

“No way” your friend replied with wide eyes, and with that you both burst out laughing, before walking off in the direction of the car park. I don’t know where you went after that. I can only remember you turning your head to me and giving me a pleading look before disappearing round the corner with your unknown friend.

Once you were gone, tears began to furiously fall down my face. And you know what, I didn’t even try to stop them because what you did hurt, it hurt so freaking much. Our relationship changed that day. My walls that I had slowly began to let down for you had skyrocketed higher than ever before, and for a while I really thought it would be the end of our friendship.