This Love is Ours

Chapter 56: Currents Upon Oceans

"I can't even imagine. Kaner, that's amazing. Congratulations. How is Abigail doing?" I ask, raising my eyebrows.

"She's doing well. She's about two and half months now, so she's still pretty early." Patrick explains, nodding.

I sigh, happily.

"That's incredible, Patrick. I'm so happy for you guys." I say, smiling.

Pat smiles, nodding.

"Does anyone else know?" I ask.

"Both of our families know. And Abby told me that she told both Chaunette and Natalie the other day. But you are the only guy on the team that knows, so if you could kind of keep it on the down-low for the next little while, that would be great." Pat laughs.

I smile down at my hands.

"Yeah, you bet." I say, nodding.

"In seven months, we're going to have a little Kaner running around." I laugh, looking off at the wall behind Patrick.

Patrick laughs, taking one last sip of his drink.

"I'm so excited. I've only grown more excited since we find out Abby was pregnant." Pat laughs, blushing slightly.

"Was it an accident?" I ask, swallowing.

Sometimes, I feel like that's an awkward question to be asking someone, but with Kaner, hardly anything is awkward.

We've known each other for so long, and we know each other so well, that asking that question doesn't make either of us even the slightest bit uncomfortable.

Patrick shakes his head.

"No. No, it wasn't." He says, smiling.

"Damn, that was fast." I laugh, shaking my head.

Patrick shrugs, smiling.

"Yeah, it was. But, we don't mind. We talked about it for a while, and both decided that a child was something we wanted to have." Pat explains, quietly.

I nod, smiling.

"That's amazing, Kaner. Again, congratulations, I'm so happy for you guys. Wow. I'm honestly at a loss for words." I say, sighing happily.

"Thanks Jonny." Pat says, smiling down at his lap.

I smile, shaking my head.

"Ally would have wanted to see this." Patrick says, nodding.

I look up at him, smiling.

"Yeah. Yeah, she would." I laugh, nodding slowly.

It's insane, just how much everything can change in a few years.

The little boy with blonde curls and blue eyes that used to live with me when we first got drafted is now married and his wife is expecting a child.

That little boy that was with me since I was eighteen years old, is not a little boy anymore.

And for some reason, I'm having trouble accepting that.

Patrick is like a little brother to me.

But right now, I feel like the little brother.

He's the one that's taking adult steps, and I'm going nowhere.

It's just all so different than I had always envisioned it in my mind.

"You alright man?" Pat asks, breaking my thoughts.

I shake my head, snapping myself back to reality.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course." I chuckle, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly.

"You look a little... uneasy." Pat says, smiling.

I sigh, looking down at my lap.

"It's just so different than what I had always envisioned. Look at you, little Kaner, already married and you and your wife are expecting a child. In my mind, I always pictured me getting married before you, and me having a child before you. It's just weird, that's all." I laugh, shrugging.

Patrick shakes his head.

"You had a setback, Jonathan. You can't even begin to compare our situations. You can't think like that, man." Patrick says, swallowing.

I nod, biting my lip.

"I know." I say, quietly.

"You'll find your way, Jonny. I know that sometimes it feels like you're lost. I understand that. But, you're not. You're just wandering through life. And not all those that wander are lost." Pat says, quietly.

I raise my eyebrows at him, rolling my eyes.

"Where the fuck did you find that line, CheesyPoetry.com?" I laugh, rolling my eyes playfully.

Pat laughs, rolling his eyes back.

"No, actually, Tumblr. Abigail left her Tumblr page open on her phone once, and I saw it on her feed." Pat admits, laughing.

"You're ridiculous, Kaner." I say, laughing.

He laughs too.

"But, really, Jonathan. The currents upon each individual's oceans are all different." Pat says, quietly.

"Yeah. Yeah, they are." I agree, nodding.

And for a while after that, Pat and I continue laughing and talking together, about all different things.

We talk a little bit more about Abby's pregnancy, a bit about the team, and how our families are doing as well.

It's really nice, to be catching up with Kaner again.

I miss not having that little shit living with me.

We talk for a while, before Patrick decides that he is going to head back to the hotel.

I thank him for inviting me, and with that, he leaves the cafe and begins the short walk back to the hotel.

I'll see him in a few minutes, but I decide to just sit here by myself for a little while.

I put both of my arms on the table, crossing them.

I people-watch, glancing around the busy, crowded cafe, and then looking out the window at the beautiful streets of Old Montreal.

My mind begins to wander once again, and I can't help but think about how Patrick is going to be a dad soon.

I always knew that one day, Pat was going to have kids.

He's so good with little fans, that there is just no way that he wouldn't have kids.

I just didn't know it would be this soon.

Sometimes, it shocks me at how fast things all happen.

And occasionally, I feel like while everyone else is taking new steps, moving on, getting married and starting families, I'm still stuck being in love with the past.

Being in love with the girl I once had, in the past.

And maybe, just maybe, if we hadn't decided to go out on that one winter night just over two years ago, that girl would be pregnant with my child right now.

And everything would be different.

But, I need to stop thinking like that because as much as I want to change the past, I can't.

If I could change it, I would.

In a heartbeat.

But, I can't.

It is what it is.

What happened, happened, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I simply need to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to how they used to be.