Confessions of a Muslim Girl

Chapter 6 - Studious Muslims and Buried Secrets

            “Yeah, she’s over Zak. She says that he’s too moody for her taste.”

            This is news to me, and my mouth drops. “Shazia is finally over Zak?! Hell yeah! Thank God, because honestly I was getting tired of her calling him for ‘homework help’ or whatever.”

Farah smiles at me, but something is totally up. There is no way that Shazia will let go of Zak that quickly. Let’s just say that Shazia gets very fixated on something that she wants A LOT.

 “Far, you and I both know that the mood swings are not enough to get Shazia to lose interest. She digs that total ‘bad boy’ look that you see in those crappy made-for-TV movies. Who’s the new boy toy?” I demand.

Farah shoots me a smug look. “Wouldn’t you like to know, Maysa?”

I roll my eyes at her. “Yes, I would actually. So TELL ME Farah, what gives? The curiosity is killing me and unfortunately, I don’t have nine lives. I only have this one, and we’re not even Hindu so there’s no chance of getting reincarnated. Tell me before you have murder on your hands.”

“Welllllll…Shazia may have mentioned to me that she’s planning on going to all the soccer games this year…”

“Uh…Zak doesn’t play anymore. He quit after the whole thing happened.” I don’t go into details about his change. If it was anybody else, I would not have even said ANYTHING about Zak like his quitting soccer. Noha is my best friend, but Farah is my second-closest friend and she’s really trustworthy.

“Oh, yeah, I know. But she’s going to see another hunky Muslim guy,” she waggles her eyebrows, probably implying something that I’m obviously not getting.

“Farah?” I say this extremely seriously.

“Yes?” she says, a little confused at the sudden shift in my facial expression.

“NEVER do that again, ok? And continue on because I seriously wanna know.”

Farah laughs; her laugh is long and loud, filled with genuine mirth and amusement.

“Honey, I can’t believe you’re not getting it yet. Think of all the cute Muslim guys on Riverside’s varsity soccer team. Who comes to mind?”

The only Muslim guy that I can think of that’s on the varsity football team is this Pakistani guy, Rayyan, who’s a total player. He also happens to be Shazia’s brother.

“Um, Rayyan?” I guess meekly. I get the feeling that’s not the right answer. Rayyan and Shazia are related, so obviously that’s not it…unless she’s running for Supportive Sister of the Year this year? Farah confirms my suspicion by smacking me hard on my head.

“Hijab lightened the blow,” I smirk (see how Josh is rubbing off on me?).

Farah proceeds by throwing her hands up in exasperation. “You’re an idiot, Maysa! I give you all the clues and you still can’t put it together. She’s going because of Adam. She hasn’t stopped talking about him all night!”

I’m taken aback not because of her outburst, but because of the fact that it’s Adam. ADAM ALI. “Hunky Muslim guy? Seriously, Farah? You say something like ‘hunky Muslim guy’ and you expect me to think of Noha’s brother? He’s a friend; he’s obviously not the first person I’d think of!”

Farah looks conflicted about whether to smack me again or burst out laughing. She starts laughing again and clutches her stomach. “Oh, God! Dude, you should have seen your face…that was epic, Maysa. Man, I love you!” She manages to gasp this statement out while still laughing.

I huff and wait until she stops. “But seriously, Maysa. You’re saying THAT isn’t hunky?” Farah nods her head over to the neighboring pavilion occupied by some guys our age.

Adam is standing there with one hand in his pants pocket, talking to this guy, Ahmed, who Noha deems as a fruitcake. They’re talking about something and they seem pretty into it. Well, Ahmed does, but I think that’s only because he’s trying to make peace with Adam because he has a thing for Noha, which is one of the reasons Adam doesn’t like him. Not that I blame him; that boy has a right to be protective of Noha, especially around a guy like Ahmed.

Adam only looks bored, and maybe slightly unhappy. My heart wrenches; I feel so bad. Zak and Adam used to have such a good time hanging around the masjid together. They were both favorites among all the elders.

I turn my attention back to Farah, whose face contains a growing smirk that widens with every second I stand there observing Adam and Ahmed. “What?” I ask, slightly annoyed. I’m not really mad at Farah, I’m just pissed off because I don’t really like the fact that I don’t get what she’s hinting at.

“You’re honestly gonna look me in the face, Maysa Malik, and tell me that you don’t think that boy is a hunk? Liars go to hell, my dear.” Farah’s face is still in the same expression it was when she caught me looking at Adam and Ahmed.

“I’m NOT saying that he’s not attractive, just that he doesn’t come up on my cute guy radar because he is, um, let’s see, my best friend’s brother maybe?!” I huff out.

“Yeah, well, sweetie, that wasn’t enough to stop you when you told me–” Farah begins. I shake my head violently. I am scared as hell as to what she was about to say.

“Don’t! Please, Farah, please don’t go there with me, ok? Please, I just can’t.” My voice drops to a begging whisper, my tone is defeated. I can’t talk about this right now, because that’s fantasy, and I can’t mix fantasy with reality. I will only get hurt.

Farah looks straight into my eyes and no matter how much I try to conceal my emotions, I feel that she knows the turmoil going on inside of me right now. “Maysa, Maysa, shhh. Quiet down, sweetie.” Farah’s arms go around me, and I feel that her firm grasp is what’s holding me in this reality. I feel that her arms are like a solid metal anchor at the bottom of the sea, keeping my ship from being hopelessly navigated by the misleading winds of fantasy.

I hate how I’m being so sensitive; I hate being affected by something like this. Any other sane girl my age would be open to talking about it, but somehow with me I feel that it’s different. No one, not even Noha, knows what Farah and I know.

Slowly, I calm down. I look back up at Farah whose face is filled with nothing but genuine concern. I smile shakily, and I mentally slap myself for losing my composure. “Hey, Far, don’t be like this. I’m fine, I’m sorry. I just can’t talk about this…especially after Zakariya.” Farah only nods in understanding, and I am utterly grateful.

I close my eyes and focus on my breathing and after making a dua, my heart no longer feels like it has been running a marathon.

With one more quick look at the neighboring pavilion, I rest my forehead on Farah’s shoulder again. But not before realizing that the reason I was looking there was looking at me back.

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I'm honestly so nervous right now. What do you guys think? Please let me know...I haven't even hit "Publish" yet but I feel like Maysa right now with the heart thing.

-- aSh ♥

PS: 7/1/12 edit -- Pft, screw it. I give up trying to please everyone. -shrugs-