Confessions of a Muslim Girl

Chapter 40 -- The Point Our Lives Merge

Chapter 40

The Point Our Lives Merge

"This is the first time we're discussing our future. Not his or mine. Ours. It feels more intimate than anything physical, planning the point where our lives merge." -- Maysa Malik, COAMG

 Maysa Malik

            I really don't want to ask in front of my siblings, but once I survive the car ride home and Nazia and Zakariya head up to their rooms to go to bed, I linger back in the kitchen where my parents are. "Do you want me to make you something to eat, Mays?" my mom asks.

"No, I'm fine. Alhamdulillah. I think I'm just going to go to bed." I can't bring myself to ask. But I should ask. Are they being quiet because they have nothing to say or because they're mad? Crap.

I slowly start walking out the door. Before I lose my nerve, I turn back around. "Uh, Mom, Dad?" There, it's out there. No turning back now. They look at me expectantly and I open my mouth but I kind of blank out. I don't know what it is but you know when you're about to say something and you get sidetracked by how expectantly the other person is waiting for you to talk? It's like that.

"Um," I swallow, "I just kinda have to know...did I do something wrong with...you know." I'm kind of too embarrassed to say anything. Frankly, this whole expressing these feelings to my parents thing has been embarrassing overall because I'm not that comfortable with freely admitting my feelings like this. That's kind of more Noha's specialty.

My parents don't respond immediately. Then, my dad gently says, "Maysa, I think you and Adam have both done a good job handling it and we're going to take your word that it happened exactly how you said it did. I think we both understand that situations like that shouldn't arise again now that we've discussed the whole matter."

"Let's leave it at that," Mom adds gently, offering me a bowl of heated pasta with a soft smile. I take it from her gratefully.

"Okay."

Dad looks like he's about to say something but he's kind of debating with himself on it. "Mays, I think it...we were discussing this with Suleiman and Aaliyah. If Adam lives at home next year and goes to college here, I think it would be best that the two of you make a formal commitment to one another and at least get a nikkah done."

I really don't know what to say. Marriage? Like okay, let's take twenty steps back for a minute. "Because we'd be around each other a whole lot?" I ask.

They nod. "It would be best that way, we think. Obviously you two can continue your lives as usual, continue living at home, but it would be best to have that commitment because you know in Islam, loves necessitates commitment."

I contemplate the possibilities but it makes my stomach drop for indescribable reasons. "And if he goes somewhere else for college?"

"In that case I think we'll leave it up to you two to decide. If he's out of state, I think that would very much limit your contact and marriage would not be as immediate as a priority. I think that in that case, you two would be able to set the appropriate parameters and restrictions on the relationship and contact."

"Yeah."

"We don't have to decide anything right now, only when you are comfortable with it. Give what we're saying some thought. The intention is to just make that commitment and not jeopardize anything important for you two."
"A lot of it depends on what next year is going to look like, I guess." I touch the toe of my sock against the corner of a tile on the kitchen floor.