The Fault In Our Phan

Part Three

         The next morning, Phil awoke alone in his bedroom. Dan was in his own bedroom, they decided not to rush things and instead take them slow.

          Last night, they'd kissed more, and talked in between kisses. Phil discovered that Dan had been in love with him from that first nightmare, which explained why he'd been awkward ever since. But Dan had also told him that he'd had more nightmares, one of them in which Phil had died of cancer while Dan had sat by his bedside the entire time, never leaving his side.

          The he told Dan how long he'd been in love with him, which was far longer that Dan realized he had the same feelings for Phil. But they were both glad to finally express their feelings and be together.

          When Phil entered the kitchen, Dan was already there, cooking pancakes for the both of them. "Good morning, sunshine," Dan said brightly as Phil came near him. They smiled at each other.

"Someone's in a good mood this morning," Phil replied as he sat at the counter. "I am!" Dan cheered happily. Phil noticed he was also wearing one of his rare colored T-shirts, and better, one that he'd given Dan. Phil smiled. It made his heart swell to see Dan this happy; it always did. But as they ate and finished their breakfast together, Dan's happiness faded and he felt the mood drop from playful to serious. Phil interlaced his fingers with Dan.

"Dan..." he started hesitantly, "should we...tell our fans?"

"About what?" Dan asked.

Phil gestured to their hands. "Us," he simply said.

"No. I think we should keep it a secret. I think we should wait. It's too early. But what about you, Phil? Who else knows...?"

"Just my mum and dad. And now you."

"Do you want tell our fans?"

          Phil thought about this. He didn't want to lie to them, he had never done that and didn't want to ever do that. He loved them. But he had kept it from Dan and his fans for so long, both of whom he loved. It teared him up, omitting something as big as this to the most important people in his life. But he didn't want to hurt anyone. He didn't want them to have to bear the inevitable curse. But now that he had told Dan everything, he realized he didn't want to bear it alone either.

"I...I don't know, Dan."

"That's okay. Your have the right to or to not to. It's entirely your choice."

After a couple of beats of silence, their fingers intertwined and legs bumping each other, Dan finally spoke. "Where...do you have cancer, Phil? Is it curable?" Phil could see the pain n his face, and he couldn't help but feel responsible for it. He didn't want to cause this to people. He felt horrible. "No. It's in my lungs, Dan."

Dan took this in, then said, "Couldn't you get treatment for it, though?"

"Yeah, I've been going through it."

Dan looked a bit taken aback. Then he composed himself. "And it's not getting any better?"

"No. The worst part is my mom is paying for it, and it's getting harder for her to pay the bills."

"Maybe we can start putting out money, then. Now that I know, I'd put as much as I can in. I don't what I'd do if..." he trailed off. Phil looked up at him. There was no longer any trace of former happiness on his face, it was replaced with sadness and fear. He continued to stare at Dan until finally he kissed him. He felt Dan relax a little under his touch, and kissed him back. The kiss deepened, and Dan started to push Phil back, and Phil gave into him. They paused, out of breath. Phil could feel Dan's warm breath on his neck below his ear, and shivered a bit.

"Never leave me, Phil. Please. I don't know what-"

"Dan, don't think about that. I never want to leave you." He pulled Dan closer, and they kissed again, softly. Phil was feeling unnerved by the amount of space between him and the floor, and broke the kiss gently. "Can we take this somewhere else? I'm falling here, Dan." He was clinging to Dan for support, and Dan laughed as he pulled Phil up.

"Dan?" Phil asked. "Yeah?" he replied, his mood lightened from the kisses. "Promise me you won't tell anyone about...me?"

"I promise, Phil." His heart burst at Dan's words, and he was so full of all the love he'd suppressed over the years. He never wanted this feeling to go away.

          After playing video games until late in the night, Phil must have fallen asleep at one point because when he awoke from his brief sleep, he couldn't breathe.

          All he could do was exhale, and when he tried to inhale it felt as if someone was scraping a knife against his lungs, or as if an elephant wearing high heels were standing on his chest. He was loosing air, and fast, and fear spiked up his spine that this was when he'd die. He started to bang on the bed, the wall behind him, anything to alert Dan. But it was no use. He was loosing consciousness, his vision clouding up.

He wasn't breathing anymore.

          His lungs burned and teared at him and he tried to scream but there was no air, and his vision was blurring as tears came and he collapsed on his bed. He thought he heard a faint sound-rescue? he thought desperately-but then his vision tumbled and he lay doubled over on the bed, unmoving.