Little Saint Bride [Death and the Maiden, #1]

Chapter Thirty Eight: Nathaniel [Full]

My mother pierces my eyes then with a sad, terrible stare.

'The girl who gave you the contraception?' I ask.

She nods. 'Although, I'm almost confident she wanted me pregnant. She loved babies. She was so excited for me that when I met this woman who told me she could bless me with twins, I accepted...thinking of her. It was foolish, I know, but I had this image of us raising my children, almost as if we were a couple.

'The lady gave me a bouquet of flowers for my wedding. She said the flowers would blossom as my pregnancy came to term, but without them, my babies would be stillborn.

I cared for the flowers, and in turn, I gave birth to two twins. A boy and a girl.'

'Me and Nate...?' I whisper.

To my dismay, she shakes her head.

'No sooner had I given birth and I was alone with the two infants, the woman appeared once more. She told me that by right, those babes were hers, because without her help, they would have been cold from the womb. She was powerful...she wasn't even human. I was barely eighteen and afraid of what she could do. She brought with her two other infant twins, just born, and she exchanged the two.'

She heaves a choking sob, stuffing a hand against her mouth to stop the tears. I don't move to help; I'm apathetic, waiting for her to continue. She mutters, 'I never even got to name my children. She gave me yours: Nerissa and Nathaniel.

'She gave me very specific instructions. I would see my children again when both those children had passed. I was to kill the boy around the age of thirteen. The girl was not my problem.'

My mother stops speaking. Her voice has gone very, very quiet, and her shoulders are hunched, still. She licks her lips, wetting them, before continuing on.

'Life after that changed. I grew to learn that my husband was a gambler, and he in turn realised that I was severely depressed. I could barely look after myself, let alone two babies. He quit his job to take care of us. He drank. I tried to bury myself in work. He gambled. All the while, I knew that the more I saw Nathaniel, the more I felt my sanity slipping away. Meanwhile, my friend, who I had been in love with for so long, admitted that she felt the same for me.

'We ran away together, taking her children from her failed marriage. I left my babies to a goddess, and the changelings to my husband.'

'Changelings,' I hear a whisper. I realise my voice has spoken in Nate's tongue once more, and the word is bitter and heavy.

My mother splutters another cry. 'I hate myself. I hate what I did to you, and I hate what I let happen to me.'

'Do you see what she did, Nerissa? She played into their hands. She was weak. We are all the pawns here— pawns to higher powers.'

My tongue curls around words that aren't my own. It's difficult to have a conversation with myself, but somehow, I manage.

'But Nate...who was that woman? And why would she exchange us?'

'Because they always wanted you to be the Little Saint Bride, Ness. They planned you, and they planned me. They planned my death. I've had five years to think this through. What else could they want?'

'Who is they?'

'Our mother, Demeter, the Lady of the Spring Court. And her loyal subjects.'

'Our...mother?' the word sounds alien, and laughable to my own ears. There's no way— I can't believe it. Not without seeing Nate. Not whilst having this conversation with my own body.