The Fault In Our Phan

Part Two

Dan's POV------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

          Dan was sitting on his bed, his back to the headboard and laptop propped on his thighs, editing the video they'd made earlier today. While he did so, he tried to focus on the editing, but instead he found his eyes kept lingering back to Phil on the screen. He finally got frustrated and slammed the screen down, throwing it on the bed and watching it bounce once before sitting motionless.

          He couldn't take his brain anymore. His thoughts. Even during the video, Dan couldn't stop thinking about how close Phil was. This thought was pushed until it was in the very back of his brain, but it was still there.

          Then a sound interrupted his thoughts. It was faint, but it sounded as if someone was sobbing.

          Phil.

          Without a single thought, Dan rushed to Phil's door and knocked, then burst in. Phil was curled up into a tiny ball on his bed, crying hard. Dan forgot anything else and ran to Phil, pulling him close and hugging him tightly. After hesitation, Phil slowly wrapped his arms around Dan and eventually gripped him, as if he were hanging on for life. It killed Dan to see him this way. What had done this to him? They held each other for a while in silence, and slowly Da felt Phil relax in his arms. He never wanted to let Phil go; he wanted to hold him safe in his arms and protect him from anything that could hurt him like this or even make him the slightest bit sad.

          They slowly let go of each other, and Phil moved over so that they could face each other sitting on his blue and green bed that suddenly didn't seem so happy anymore. Dan grabbed Phil's hands in his and squeezed them gently, and Phil squeezed back.

"Do you want to tell me why you were crying?" Dan hesitantly asked.

          Phil nodded. He was beautiful, even when he cried. How torn up Phil looked made Dan want to take it all of it, and bear it himself instead of seeing Phil this way. Phil was his ball of sunshine in the darkness, and he couldn't stand to watch Phil breakdown like this. It made his heart hurt. God, he was falling hard. Dan felt tears brimming his eyes, threatening to spill out, but he wouldn't let them.

"Dan..." Phil started in a wavery voice. Dan could tell he'd been crying a lot. "There's...something I have to tell you. I've been keeping it from you...for two years. I'm sorry, Dan."

"Phil, it's alright. You can tell me anything." Dan wanted to know what was wrong, but his mind kept reeling. A secret that he's kept for two years? But how? And...why?

"I....I have cancer, Dan. I'm going to die."

          Dan could not believe the words he'd just heard come out of his friend's mouth. He could hear everything in Phil's voice. His fear. His heavy and terrible guilt. His sadness. Sadness, in Phil. Dan wished he could pretend it was all a dream. But it wasn't.

          Phil....cancer....die. The words repeated in Dan's head. Phil. Oh, god, not Phil. Please not him. Please. He couldn't. He couldn't bear it. But he knew it was the truth, and once he accepted it, it cut through his body like a dagger. He felt hot tears running down his face before he could stop them. He looked up finally, and Phil was watching him, the look of dread on his face, and still the fear. But then he looked away again.

"Dan...it's okay if you just want to leave-"

"Phil! Are you kidding me? I will never leave you. Do you understand me? Never."

          Then Phil finally looked up, and Dan saw something on his face, but before he could identify it, it was gone. They stared at each other. Dan's heart was beating rapidly just looking at him. He wondered what it would be like to kiss him. Suddenly he wanted to, and the urge was so strong, it was hard for him to resist. Dan kept gazing at Phil, and the longer he did, the more the resistance he'd managed to build up gradually deteriorated.

Phil's POV----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

           Phil took his eyes off of Dan's crying face; he couldn't bear to watch Dan cry because of him. He felt small, worthless, like he was going to destroy everyone around him because of this disease.

"Dan...it's okay if you want leave-"

"Phil! Are you kidding me? I will never leave you. Do you understand me? Never."

          Those words broke Phil's heart, and in that moment he could kiss Dan. He looked up and almost did. He wanted to. He loved Dan. But he pushed the thought away again, as he painfully did with these thoughts every day. Dan continued to stare at Phil, and he took the chance to gaze at Dan's perfect features. His defined cheekbones, the cute dimples he gets when he smiles, his beautiful brown hair. He was pulled from his thoughts when Dan put his hand on Phil's cheek, and Phil didn't move. His heart raced, pounding in his chest. Is Dan really about to...kiss him? Did he really feel that way too? All there was was this moment in life. Now.

          Dan's lips collapsed onto Phil's and as he closed his eyes all of his suppressed feelings burst out of him, exploded, and he kissed Dan back with everything he had felt and is feeling. He could feel Dan's surprise, then he kissed Phil back the same way. It tasted salty from the tears they'd both shed, but was also soft. The kiss deepened, but they both wanted more. He fell back, and Dan fell on top of him. The kiss broke, and when they opened their eyes they laughed at each other. He loved Dan's laugh. Phil stared at Dan's beautiful face, stained a little with tears. He finally ran his hand through Dan's hair, as he'd been longing to do, and it was as soft as he'd imagined. Dan cupped his cheek again, and they kissed once more, softly.

"I'm never leaving you, Phil. Especially not now."

"You better not," Phil said. Dan smiled, and Phil saw hid adorable dimples again.  Especially the sad one. Dan took his hand from Phil's cheek to run it through his hair, and Phil relaxed at Dan's soothing touch. He put his hand on Dan's cheek and rubbed his thumb up and down across it.

"I can't believe this," Dan laughed.

Phil laughed too. "Me neither," he half whispered.