Jet Black Heart//A.I.

12.5

Ashton,
I bet your sitting in one of those over stuffed chairs, this letter in your hands while my mother is glaring at you, taking in your emotionless face as you try to convince yourself that this isn't your fault. That this was just because I was stupid and careless.

Do you know what it was like to have people whisper things behind your back? To hear people say that I'm just a dirty slut because of what We did, we as in you and I. But no, they didn't blame You, the guy who sleeps around with girl after girl, broken heart after broken heart. They blamed me. They actually hated me, and for the longest time I wondered why. But now its okay, because quite frankly I hate myself too.

Ya know... Ive heard so many rumors about how you don't wanna end up like your father, but just face it: You are exactly like your father. So go ahead, get mad. Let your demons rampage inside of your mind, let them try and convince you that this isn't your fault. That this is just a Game... An innocent game. I should've listened to them, the people who told me you were trouble, but I had hope that maybe you could change. I believed that those people just didn't understand what it was like to have your father walk out on you... I believed that you were different... guess I should've known better then to look at a word with Lie in the center...

So tell me Ashton... Are you still convinced that this isn't your fault? I bet you do, because this is just a joke to you and your sick friends. So let me ask, not that it makes a difference considering im just a dead girl: Who hurt you this bad? Who made you want everyone to hurt? And is this game really worth it? Because right now, I'm on this chair staring through the noose, and it's so fucking colorful. In a world full of black and white, color is wonderful.

So I guess this is goodbye, and if you're reading this I hope you burn in hell. Isn't this game just... Fun?!

-Angelica, not that you'd care.

I finished the letter, I didn't realize I was holding my breath until Ms. Gardner spoke up

"You can breathe Irwin." She said softly as I heard her mumble something about her daughter.
"So how do you feel?" She asked me, her eyes glistened with tears. Not again... I mumbled.

"I still feel the same as when I walked in." I shrugged and looked at her, her mouth hung open. Her grey eyes started storming over.

"You still don't care?!" She said, her hand running through her coarse hair. "Of course you wouldn't. You wouldn't know what it's like..." She said.

"Let me ask you, did you like it when your father left you? To never know who he is, if he's alive?"

"I don't really give a fuck if that cocksucker is alive" I said standing up. "He just fucked my mum and left."

"And what makes what he did any different from what you did to my daughter?"

See you really are like him.

I shook my head.

"Well for one my mum is still here, is she not?"
This is all your fault.

"You will never know what it's like to have to still be a parent even though you don't get to have a child anymore" she said as I walked out, slamming the door. I walked down the halls, but the walls seemed to whisper accusations.

It's your fault.
Someone is dead because of you.
You really are just like your father.
It should have been you dead instead of her.

I shook my head once again as the bell rang, people spilling into the hallways. People just shoved into me, glaring at me. Some said they hated me.

But that's okay, because I hate myself too.

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