One-Shot & Imagines

Chris Miles // SKINS

I loved him. I truly did, and I still do.

He was an idiot, but he was MY idiot. He made some mistakes but he made everything he could to get me to forgive him, no matter what he did, I would never stop loving him, he was my everything.

I loved the way his blue eyes shined when they saw me, or the way his thin lips turned into a smile after I kissed him. I miss him.

"It will be okay, Yolie." Maxxie says to me as he puts an arm around me and tries to comfort me, but it's barely of any use.

I say nothing, afraid I will end up crying – again. I feel the lump in my throat so I just don't risk it and say nothing to my best friend.

I remember the first time Chris and I kissed. I was running away from my ex-boyfriend, Alex, and instead of telling Chris to tell Alex to fuck off, I did the first thing I thought of, I kissed Chris on the lips and it was perfect because Alex didn't talked to me after that but I also felt something I never thought I would feel for Chris, he was only my friend, I never thought I liked him, not in that way.

Chris smiled at me and kissed me again in no time, it was perfect.

Back to reality, I feel Michelle's arm around me as well. Maxxie is wiping some tears that have fallen from my green eyes and Michelle is telling me encouraging things to get me to calm down but I don't really hear what she is saying or what the priest is saying right now, I don't even acknowledge the fact that Chris' father and relatives are giving us dirty looks because we aren't supposed to be here, we weren't supposed to attend his funeral but there was no way I would miss it. I have to say good-bye.

I remember when Chris told me of his illness. He was crying, locked in his room. Cassie called me very alarmed and told me she couldn't get him to open the door of his room so I went there as fast as I could and after an hour of begging and banging on his door he finally opened the door. He looked into my eyes for just a second before pulling me into a hug. He was trembling and kept crying on my shoulder, I was pretty alarmed, when did Chris ever cried? Especially like this.

I gave him time to calm down, he cried and cried, gave him some glass of water and then I demanded him to them what was going on. He started crying again, but eventually he told me about his illness and that he was scared he was going to die, like his brother died seven years ago.

I was devastated, he could die. The person I loved the most could die and leave me. Nobody knew about this but Cassie and I.

It was not even two week later that Cassie found him bleeding from his ear and rushed him to the hospital, I was working when I got Cassie's call. She just told me she was in the hospital and when I got there she didn't tell me what was wrong, I knew Chris was sick but I wanted more details but Cassie started to say nonsense things, I don't blame her, though, she's a bit mental.

Chris was released from the Hospital some days later to everyone's relief. They removed the clot and he only needed to recover from the surgery. Everything was good again, he went back home and a few days later he asked me to marry him, of course I said yes.

Everyone was happy about it, especially Maxxie. Jal, though, hadn't gotten over the fact that Chris loved me and decided to be with me instead of her. Things were a bit bitter between her and me ever since Chris and I started dating.

Chris' dad takes the priest's place in front of everyone and starts to say some nice words about his so called son. Chris and I went to his house one day, when his mother left him and he had nowhere else to go, he refused to even see him how dare him stand there and talk about Chris? How dare he tell us to not assist his funeral? We have more rights than he will ever have. It should be me there, standing in front of everyone telling them how Chris was and how much he will be missed but I really doubt I can even say a word or two without breaking down. I'm crying no stop already.

Maxxie has wrapped his arms around me and he is holding me tight, close to him. He is trying to be strong for me, everyone has cried at least once except him, at least not in front of me.

As Chris' father finishes his speak and another relative takes that place and starts talking about him, I remember that night. That awful night.

We had just been discussing our lives in the future and things like our engagement and our wedding and some things about it like who would be the best man. We also discussed about kids and where we will live, Chris wanted to live in a house close to the beach and have four kids, while I wanted to live in the city and only have a kid or two, and probably a dog. So we agreed to live on the city but also have a house on the beach for the weekends and holidays or when we would be old and wouldn't want to deal with the world, we also agreed to have three kids and a small dog, we pretended like we were living it, then I had to go to work so I left him with Cassie.

I had a bad feeling during my shift, I felt like something bad was going to happen, I felt uneasy and nervous for the time the shift lasted, I even asked to leave earlier than I should, I claimed to have nauseas and a stomach ache. I rushed to Chris' flat, which was sort of my home as well.

I saw ambulances and I panicked, I ran towards the flat but I was stopped by a police man. The rest is hard to remember, it's foggy and vague.

The next thing I remember is being in this park close to the flat, which I love to go to, I was sitting close to the water, watching it and the ducks and swans in it. That's where Maxxie found me, he pulled me into a hug, just like he is hugging me now, and took me to his place. I couldn't go back to Chris', I couldn't go back to my house and tell my family, I hadn't grasped the truth yet, it all seemed like a bad dream or something.

I felt numb and like all happiness had been kind of sucked from me, I felt empty. I had nothing to keep on, Chris was gone, Chris had died.

When the numbeness washed away, I felt anger and fury. Directed especially towards Cassie and Chris. Cassie for just leaving without telling me anything, she was nowhere to be found and still is, she just fucking left and Chris for the same reason he just left me here all alone. I know he couldn't help it but I was just pretty upset, I wasn't thinking right.

We didn't date that long but I loved him with all my heart.

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