Falling For Alaska

Chapter Six: Cigarettes & Fires

“Guys, I have some great news today!” Carter happily exclaimed, giving each one of us a cheerful grin (well, besides me).

The hippies intently stared in Carter's direction in anticipation. I swear that this one kid was a few seconds away from wetting himself just out of excitement. Idiot. Noticing that he’s gained everyone’s attention, Carter continued on (although his eyes were now targeted on the hot dog cart), “Tomorrow, guys, we’ll be going on a trip where we’ll be taking a short scenic hike through the gorgeous trees near Yosemite National Park!”

Happily, Carter continued, “The bus will be at the park tomorrow at six thirty a.m., and we should be back by five p.m., so make sure to pack bottled water and a lunch! We’ll be hiking about the whole time, and our tour guides, Rob and Bennie, will lead onto the trek of our lives!” Jeez. Carter's pure enthusiasm was sickening-- why was a grown man so damn excited about watching trees and walking around a forest? 

And six a.m.? I was still in bed at the time.

And I would be in bed until maybe four hours after that. Summer meant sleeping in: not waking up at five thirty to get ready for a nature trek. Honestly, who wakes up at five thirty to get ready for a damn 'nature adventure'? 

Seriously, these people do not get their priorities straight.

Later, I would also find out that this ‘short’ scenic hike was not that short at all, unless, well, you counted six hours as 'short.'

While all the hippies cheered and whispered excitedly, I just awkwardly stood there, with as much joy I received while watching a Barbie movie (notice that I did not say a chick flick). 

I mean, this idea was just awful to begin with.

And just before I could ask if this stupid trip was mandatory, Carter smirked towards my direction, almost like he knew exactly what I was thinking. “Oh yes. One more thing: this trip is mandatory. You may not, under any circumstances, skip this wonderful, and once in a lifetime trip! And I expect the best behavior from each and every one of you! Immaturity will simply not be tolerated.”

I would bet all the hot dogs in the world that those last two sentences were especially addressed to me.

And was a whole day devoted to being Dora the Explorer really necessary?

God, I could almost hear Dora's voice in my head saying 'Hola', while she 'explored' the forest and asked dumb shit. 

Really, just shoot me now. 

I mean,  'reconnecting with the wilderness' was definitely not how I expected my Friday to go. 

                ***

The two hour trip to the actual grounds was barely durable. I was seconds away from flinging myself out of the bus. Or from screaming very 'colorful' language. 

Especially when all the damn hippies were singing damn nature songs (nature songs? What the hell?) or discussing the latest environmentalist news ("Did you hear about the severity of the ozone layer?").

It was incredibly annoying and distracting to say at the least.

And it was even worse when Carter mockingly asked me to join in and start the next song so creatively titled ‘How I Love My Wonderful Trees.”

It was the most awkward moment of my life when I’d stood up and uncertainly sang about my 'love' for trees, especially since I had no idea how the damn song went. Or why there was a damn song titled that in the first place.