I won't reveal her name, but I will refer to her as Sunny, because she was the sun in my life and because she can burn.
I love the burn. The kind that keeps you alive and tingling, giving you an adrenaline rush each time she looks at you, gives you the time of her day, which is also very important ("Time is priceless; I can't afford to waste it on unimportant people"), the type that makes you giddy with happiness every time she opens her mouth to speak to you, because it's you, it's you she chose to speak with, it's you she gave permission to make her laugh, so it becomes your responsibility to keep that smile on her face, because if it falls, she may never come back.
I also hate the burn because it actually burned me through to my bones. I also hate the burn because she left. She pulled away and now I'm cold. I'm shivering, I'm starving, I'm desperate, I'm nothing, I'm an empty shout.
Maybe the real reason I hate the burn is because I am burnt through, empty from all the times I poured my whole energy into her veins and now I have nothing to give her, nothing new to offer, and she still didn't get enough.
But maybe the worst part of the burn is that I would let her drain me again. But I can't make her happy anymore. I lost my voice.
Maybe we weren't meant to be. I think about this sometimes, because we are so different. After all, all I need is a person who listens. I just need a person who will understand, help me get to my feet because I can't do this anymore, help me walk because I forgot how to take those first steps, remind me of the beautiful aspects of life because I don't see anything but her. She wanted a person who will be with her always. She wanted a person who will never judge. She wanted a constant. She wanted to play safe. Anything, but don't make me do this, anything, but don't step over the line I drew for you, anything, but never stop singing to me. Never stop your devotion. Never stop praising me. Never stop telling me how perfect you think I am. Don't stop, give me more, more love, more time, more energy, more more more, until it stops being a word, until I stop functioning, until I have nothing else to give, but I will continue giving until I am left with nothing but dust, but I wouldn't mind as long as I could dust at her feet.
