Donald's POV: I wiped the sweat off of my glistening forehead with $100 bill. I don't know how this will turn out. How will they React™.... I'm terrified.
"I have an announcement to make." I gulp, standing in front of my family. They peer up at me, craning their necks to see me.
"Donald, why the FUCK are you on the roof?" Cries my auntie Gertrude.
"You wouldn't understand!" I reply bitterly, losing my footing and falling off the roof gracefully.
My balding head hits the ground with a crack, but I'm a strong Donald. I can handle it.
I wipe the blood off of my face with a new $100 bill and continue on with the speech.
"Listen, I... I have to announce something." I stutter nervously.
"We'll get on with it you prune!" Cries my other auntie Gertrude. (she multiplied.)
"You're the prune here you soggy egg!" I scream, kicking Gertrude #2 in the root canal.
She screams in pain, and I continue.
"I.. It's not easy to say this but... I'm sexually attracted to minions." I declare.
My family gasp, apart from Gertrude 2 who is extremely dead.
"But... The bible says Adam and Eve... Not Bob and Steve!" My uncle Melvin gurgles, mouthwash slipping down his throat as he sheds his arm hair.
"I KNEW YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND!" I bellow, infuriated beyond comprehension. I put on my jetpack with my grubby paws and fly into the hemisphere, gracefully.
I am Shaking My Head, as the youth would do, as I fly to the Minions HQ. The only place I will be accepted for who I am.
