Don't You Know Me?

      When I wake up, I wipe away the tears that I cried during the night while I dreamed. I dreamed of HIM... Caden, the boy that I've fallen in love with but he couldn't possible know that. He stopped talking to me last summer, before freshman year. We we're very close and that has all changed now. He doesn't acknowledge me in the hallways.Not even a simple wave or a shy smile. NOTHING. Like nothing ever happened between us. Which isn't true at all. We've been best friends since the 2nd grade. But during the 8th grade, our friendship seemed to want to be blossoming into something more. But then we had a strange falling out for no real reason at all. I still love him but I don't think he still loves me. If he does, he doesn't let anything on.

    I lay in bed for a while to get it through my head that the dreams were just that... dreams. The feelings of his arms were my fantasy and his kisses were figments of my imagination. When I can finally believe that my heart can take in this information, I get up and go into the bathroom. I forgot to take my makeup off last night so it was streaming down my face in tear stained lines. I wipe it off and start a new canvas for myself. Just in that off chance that he were to actually notice me for once today. Everything I do in the morning, I do for him... I straighten my hair, for him. I put on my makeup, for him. I pick out my clothes, with him in mind. No, that doesnt mean I've turned myself into some huge slut... Just means I make sure the clothes look good on me and they flatter me nicely.

    Lastly, and I hate to admit, I sit on my toilet and pull out my blade and make a fresh cut on my arm, for him. After he dropped off the face of my planet, I went into such deep depression that I didn't know what to do with myself. Losing a stable person like that in my life was just a lot for me to handle. Too much actually.

"Addison, come on sweetie. You're gonna be late to school," my mom yells upstairs. I pull my bracelet down to make sure no one will see anything. I then grab my bags and go downstairs before she can yell up here in her shrill pitch. She hands me my usual bagel and bottled water. My brother Ryley is sitting at the kitchen table, playing with his car keys. "Are you ready to go?" "I guess." We both say goodbye and heed out to the car. When we get there, he holds out his arm. "Ryley..." I whispered. "Addison, please." I gave him my arm and he pushed back my To Write Love on Her Arms bracelet. "Oh, Addison. Why?" He pulled me into a hug. "You ever gonna tell me a reason why?" He whispered in my ear. "You wouldn't understand." He pulled back and put my face in his hands. "Addison, when something gets to be this bad, I'm gonna try my hardest to understand, okay?"

      "You're gonna think it's a stupid reason," I said. "Just... tell me. Please." "It's about Caden, okay? I miss him." "I know. That kind of stuff is hard. But you know what... Stuff like this is gonna happen sometime in life. People change and we just have to kind of deal with it." "I still love him, Ry." "Shh... I know. You don't think it kills me to hear you crying out his name at night." "You can hear me?" He rubbed my shoulder. "Yeah. It's really sad to hear." "Well that's embarrassing." "Ad, don't be embarrassed. When you love someone, I don't think you ever truly let them go." "I'm sure mom and dad hear me too.They probably think I'm a freak." "Addison..." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. "Can we just go?" I asked, my voice shaking. "Yeah... Get in." We got into the car and we drove to school in silence. We pulled into a parking spot and he looked at me.

      "You need me... You text me, alright?" I shook my head and quickly got out of the car to head to my first our chemistry class. I skipped right over physical science my freshman year. I took my seat at my lab table and waited for class to begin. My teacher, Mr Saldeno, came into the class and started passing back tests. "Addison, you need to start working on your grades a bit. Or I'm gonna start questioning my descion to let you in this class." He handed me my test. A 54. A FUCKING 54! I felt utterly stupid. I threw the paper in my binder, disgusted to look at it. Mr. Saldeno took his position at the front of the class when there was a knock at the door. 'Addison, can you get that?" I sit right by the door so all I have to do is turn around and grab the knob.

    My breath got caught in my throat when I saw who it was on the other side of the wood door. "Caden," I whispered under my breath, too low for even him to hear."Ah you must be the transfer." Mr Saldeno said, taking a paper from Caden. "You can take a seat next to Addison over there." My heart started beating really hard. He sat down next to me. He didn't even look at me. I watched him out of the corner of my eye all hour. When the bell rang, I got up the nerve to talk to him. "Can I talk to you for a second?" He looked around and then back at me. "You talking to me?" he asked. "Yeah..." "Uh... Sure. I guess?" "So, where did WE go wrong?" I asked. "What are you talking about?" "Are... are you joking?" "Look, I have no idea what you're talking about." "We were BEST FRIENDS for years... and you have no idea what I'm talking about?" "Friends? I dont even know you." "Are you playing a joke on me? I know how you like to joke around." "I have no idea who you are."

     I took out my wallet to show him the picture of us I keep in there. "See, right there." I said pointing to the picture. "Why are you showing me a picture of yourself with your arms awkwardly in the air?" I turned the wallet around and looked. Sure enough, I was the only one in the picture with my arms held out like I had them around someone. Which I should... around Caden. But he's not there. Like someone erased him."I'm sure youre a great girl. But I have really no idea who you are. I'm sorry. I gotta go." He left and I was more than confused about this. I looked at the picture more. "Addison... Yor're gonna be late to your next class." "Sorry, sir."