Vulnerability and insecurity. Part 1

Vulnerability and Intimacy: Shadows of a Memory

Ben woke up, looking at Rey sleeping beside him. He touched her skin, feeling the ribs beneath it, feeling her solid form. He sighed, relieved it wasn't a vision or dream, and pulled her wains closer to him, spooning her within his massive frame. Her hair smelled of sweet berries and the ocean salts on Bal'demnic, and her skin was soft and warm, like that same planets beach sands; they had visited the oceans the day before, since Rey had never seen so much water in all her life.
He felt her soft breathing against his bare chest, her back pressed against him. He slowed his breathing to match her, finding peace in their physical and emotional connection. Rey shivvered, and Ben snapped to immediate attention. He quickly pulled the blankets up around them both, covering their bodies with the soft fabric. He put his arms around her and intertwined their legs, determined to share his own body heat with her. He always forgot to turn the chamber tempurature up.
Since Rey had grown up on Jakku, she was less used to the cold tempuratures outside her familiar environment, expecially when inside a metal starship traversing through several systems. He made a mental note to turn the heat on before bed the next evening, so she was warm enough.
He must have fallen asleep not long after he had pulled the blankets, befause he woke again to Rey's head on his chest, her deep brown eyes gazing up at his face. He touched her velvet cheek with his thumb, stroking it softly and sweetly, as if that one connection was the only thing to ever express his deepest feleings about her.
"Oh, my Rey of Light," he said in his sleepy morning voice, "who are you?"
"Someone who loves you." Her lips met his in the softest motion. He signed, his heart beating fast as he kissed her, his hand in her hair. She tasted of a wine so perfectly aged the kings of old would have treasured it for generations.
Rey pulled away from the kiss, sitting up and stretching. Her hair fell over her bare shoulders and back, the small dimples at the bottom of her spine catching Ben's eye. He traced her spine with his fingers, feeling her vertebrae and making her hum in a pleasant way. She had been eating well for weeks, but her starvation on Jakku had seemingly trained her body to absorb and use nutrients as soon as it was consumed, leaving her thin, her muscles overly contoured in the light. But he loved her strength.
"What are our plans for the day, your worshipfulness?"
Ben rolled his eyes, catching the jibe of the fond nickname his father had given his mother.
"I thought we agreed to avoid talking about anything Han Solo."
"But it's so easy to tease you!" Rey giggled inoccently, putting her hair in its usual bun and standing with Ben's cloak draped around her. Ben watched her greedily, trying not to let his thought get carried away, but her figure was enticing.
Her skin was a perfectly tanned pelt of silk, her breasts resting against her ribs like two beautiful mountains in the planes, her scars on her wrists from the pain of her abandonment as a child were pink like her lips. He loved her whole being. She was the light in his life, the suns of his solar system, the stars of his night sky. Her eyes, so pure and beautiful, pierced him from over her shoulder, making him blush when he met them.
"What are YOU looking at?"
"Wha-" Ben was embarrassed in getting caught and fumbled for words. "Nothing. I was, um.. You're just so beautiful, Rey."
Her eyes darted to the floor, and Ben felt her spirit drop to a dark place. Part of it was their force bond, but the other part was an instinctual sense shared between all life partners.
"What's wrong? What did I say?" Rey stuttered indecernably and shook, tears coming into her eyes.
Ben's brow furrowed.
"May i look into your mind then?"
When she nodded, he slowed his breathing, letting his contiousness flow into hers. He felt an insecurity he knew all to well: a desire to be accepted and perfect, loved by mother and father, nurtured and appreciated. He was drowned in thoughts of self hate, feeling like a failure. He felt ugly and disregarded, wishing for any kind of attention in any form. He was Rey, and Rey was him. He saw her memories, memories of promiscuity merely meant to feel appreciated, memories of rape that Unkar Plutt could not protect her from, and how she thought she deserved the abuse and appreciated the attention. He felt her anger towards her vulnerability. He felt her pain when he called her beautiful, for she didn't believe him.
He gasped, coming back to himself. He looked down into Reys face, now wet with tears. He kissed each tear away, tasting the salt of them on his lips.
"Rey, you may not believe it, but you are beautiful. If you don't believe that, than believe that it's what I think. You are so flawless, and so pure to me. You are like a desert lizard, rare and gorgeous. You are something never seen by this generation, a princess in my mind. And one day, you will be my queen."
Rey's eyes looked away, her cheeks flushed. "But my scars-"
"They are testaments to your survival. And I love them for that. They show me how much you have done to stay alive, through all this pain and suffering in your life. I have them too, but I cover them well. You are in no way abnormal. You and I... We share more than a bed. We share a heart, and a soul. Rey... You are the light to my dark. You are the blossom of my thorny stem. You are... You are magical to me."
Rey's mind touched Ben's tenatively, and he let her in without hesitation, bathing her in his love and appreciation, his awe of her engulfing their minds. She sighed into the feeling and into his embrace. He felt her thin frame in his arms, her hair against his cheek, her arms curled into their chests like kitten paws, and he was content.
Finally... He felt the balance of the light and dark. Finally, he felt the inner peace love supplies. He kissed her forehead.
"Rey... I will never leave you. I will never abandon you... I love you, my Rey of Light..."