Life Without Memory

Book 3: Stolen Memories; Chapter 4: Dinner with a Lion

I find my name at a table with six other chairs.

Next to me are two other women with sparkling glitter on their faces and gowns. I am a plain duck compared to the swans next to me. Melanie did me a favor by letting me pick out these plainer dresses. I shudder to think of myself in such elaborate sparkling costumes.

"So plain. My dear, you really need a better maid to help dress you up. I can't imagine dressing in such a plain way." The woman on the right pats my shoulder, her cheeks flushed from the exertion of dancing, but her dress still perfectly settled on her and her hair still perfectly plastic sprayed into a the shape of a rising sun mixed with red sparkles and red flares in her blonde hair. Red eyes stare at me from a face kept perfectly still.

"I'm new to this type of thing and begged my maid to keep things simple for me. I really can't imagine wearing such a beautiful get up as yours." The sunrise woman preens a little just as I meant her to, patting her dress, but keeping her face perfectly emotionless.

"My dear," the woman on my left says. "You really must learn to keep your face still. That worry with create permanent lines on your face." This woman has blue sparkles on her hair shaped to look like a wave with most of it dyed blue and the time at the end white.

Is that why these women keep their faces like statues?

The sunrise woman grasps my hand, "I'm sure we will end up great friends. I'm Merina, sponsored by the Caline family.

The other woman grasps my other hand, "It's great to have a new woman among the sponsored people. I'm Ariana, sponsored by the Gatrine family."

I guess I am sitting with people who aren't actually from a political family, but sponsored by a family. It must be how Patrick and his father are explaining me being here.

"I'm Hope, sponsored by the McNeil family."

The two women gasp almost at the same time and their faces actually show surprise.

"You're sponsored by the great McNeil family?" Merina sounds extremely surprised, "They never sponsor anyone. I would never have imagined any of those proper people having a bastard child or sponsoring a woman to form other marriage connections. They have no need of marriages connections."

"Sush Merina," Ariana quiets the rambling Merina. "Hope, why is the McNeil family sponsoring you, and why start sponsoring you at the age you are at?"

I guess it's not common for a family to sponsor someone who is already in their twenties. I have to come up with some sort of story. It needs to be close to the truth, but not actually the truth.

"I'm a charity case. I was one of a group of people raised in a jail cell for most of my life for no reason other than being an orphan. When the McNeil family learned of this atrocity, they took me in and found homes for all the other people in my situation. I can't say in words how thankful I am for their charity."

The two women next to me nodded sympathetically.

"I heard about that in the news, but I never imagined the McNeil family would take one of them in," Merina says. "Oh, I guess. I'm sorry. I just never thought..."

She drifts off, unsure of how to fix her blunder. I smile at her to make her feel more at ease, "Do not worry. I never expected this myself. I never really thought about much outside the cell until I was freed. You can probably understand now why I am wearing such a plain dress."

Ariana nods empathetically, "Of course Hope. Don't worry. If you stick with us we will teach you how to make your sponsor proud of you. Who knows, with your exotic background we can probably even help you find a really good marriage that will make your sponsor happy."

Merina nods, "Ariana and I were just recently engaged to good young men from outstanding families."

Was that what I was to be? A bartering chip for the McNeil family? No, I don't think they actually expect that out of me. As Merina said, they don't need a marriage bartering chip.

Servants walk out with plates of food placing meals in front of each person. There must be about 10 0 some people in this hall.

Merina has already lost interest in me and is amiably chatting with a woman dressed like a flower to her right.

Ariana pokes at the food on her plate. "They feed us such strange things at the feasts." A slab of meat on top of lettuce decorated with purple and gold sits on her plate.

I'm betraying them, all of the other orphans, as my fork stabs my own slab of meat and my knife slices it into a small chunk. My mouth waters, and I can't stop myself from eating it. I'm betraying the people starving on the street, but I want more. A single bite is a tender soft, velvety bite. A bit of heaven pulled down for me to taste.

Merina delicately goes about eating her food, but Ariana continues to poke at it. Is she not going to eat it? There are children who die because they can't find food and she is poking at the food in front of her.

"I can't stand eating meat," she whispers to me confidentially. "I can't stand the thought of those cute animals dying just so I can eat them."

I don't know what to say to that. She is wasting the animal's death by refusing to eat it. It is already dead and won't be saved by her refusal to eat it.

"What do you think about the people who cannot find anything to eat right now?"

Everyone near me stops talking and stares at me. Have I said something wrong?

Ariana laughs nervously, "Really Hope, you know that us sponsored aren't allowed a political opinion. The official stand of my family is that everyone who works hard will one day eat well. There are lots of opportunities for people to become rich in America. "

An older woman across the table shakes her head, "Child, you need to be more careful about what you say in public. More outbursts like that and you won't make a good marriage."

I want to point out that I am not here to make a marriage. I am not here to make pointless talk with shallow vapid woman. I am here to change the way things are. I can't let myself fall into the fold!

I stare at her with her strange attire that makes me think of a grassy hill. I can't back down. I have to voice my opinion and change minds. I have to show people I am worth more than their scorn.

I lower my head and nod. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put anyone on the spot. I'm new."

Why? Why did I back down to these over sparkly women? Why am I quietly eating my dinner, not looking at them? I can hear Merina telling the flower girl to her right what I said earlier. I am now a gossip piece. I should speak up, but these women's disapproval is holding me back. My own mental inhibitions are controlling me. I only hope that when Patrick finally takes me to a debate I won't be as submissive. Why can't I say what I want? I want to scream in frustration. My knife squeaks against the plate, but only Ariana looks over, but her face is blank. I can't tell if she is worried, upset, or just can't believe she is sitting next to such a socially unacceptable person.

Why am I here? I have no idea. I just want to get back to Patrick's apartment. Who am I to think I can make change happen? I see you, standing across the way next to the grassy hill lady. You are glaring at me, questioning me as to why I am silent.

I am a woman who has a strange scary power. A power that can kill people. I want to stay alive. I want to change the world. Can I do both?

You glare at me, pushing me to go against society's expectations.

I stand up.

The women around me look at me; curious or angry at the disturbance. Who are you to stand in our company, they ask. I am me, and because of that, I am powerful.

"I can't stop myself from speaking out my opinion. My sponsor promised to listen to my opinion, so I shall voice it to all. I think we as a society should help the people to be able to survive. Children shouldn't be starving in the street."