Deaf Ears Ring

Chapter 6

Flying out of New Mexico was terrifying for obvious reasons, and because so many things had changed in such a small amount of time. Knowing that now that Lindsey could bite the dust at any moment and that I could be pushed into deciding mine and Kaitlin's fate at any day was terrifying.

I had no idea what I wanted to decide. I had no idea where I thought Kaitlin would be better off. I knew what Lindsey wanted, but even she wasn't sure what would be best for Kaitlin. For all I knew, Kaitlin could have been way better off in a foster home with two parents and other kids. That, and the obvious, more selfish reason: I wasn't ready to become a single dad.

Had you asked me two months prior, I'd have said 'no fucking way, dude.' Now there was a chance, but I still wasn't sure. Granted, it had only been two weeks, but I still had a lot to think about. I knew that if I did get chosen to take custody of Kaitlin that I'd have help from friends and family with her, especially when I'd have to leave for tour, but was that for the best? I'd only be there for Kaitlin a few months out of the year, really.

Then I began to wonder...would that be reason for the judge to decide that I'm unfit to Kaitlin? I didn't want that. That was what was the most confusing about situation. I wasn't sure I wanted the judge to pick me, but at the same time, I wasn't sure I didn't want to be picked either...

"So, the doctors say Lindsey could have a few months left, but she could also die, like, tomorrow?" Balz asks.

The band sat in their hotel in Brazil, talking about the situation between Chris and Lindsey and Kaitlin.

"Yup." Chris says.

"Well...That's unsettling." Ricky says.

"Uh huh!" Chris exclaims.

"Do you know what your decision would be if that were the case?" Ryan asks.

"No. No clue. I mean, I know that Lindsey doesn't want Kaitlin in foster care, but Kaitlin might be better off there!"

"Why doesn't Lindsey want Kaitlin in foster care again?" Vinny asks.

"Lindsey was a foster kid. She was in the system for three and a half, four years and lived in a ton of houses, some of which were abusive. And that's what scares me! If I were to choose against keeping Kaitlin, she could end up in an amazing home with two parents and other kids until she's eighteen and she'll live a way better life than she ever could with me...But there's also a chance that she could end up in a horrible home and it would be my fault."

"Well, hypothetically, say that happened. What would you do then?" Ghost asks.

Chris thinks a minute, then sighs, "Try to fight for her back, I guess..."

x

Over the course of the tour, Chris kept in touch with Kaitlin as promised. So far, keeping this whole thing private was going well. Kaitlin's social media was already private to begin with, but she was told to make sure she didn't accept any requests from people she didn't know in order to keep the situation as private as possible.

The tour was a good way for Chris to relieve some stress. It was good to be back on the road again. Chris spent almost any free time he had in the back room or in his bunk with his laptop or whatever other device he could use to connect to the Internet with so he could study sign language. He tried to teach himself as much as he could.

Everyone kept the situation private as if Kaitlin were a secret to be taken to the grave. No one even uttered the names 'Kaitlin' or 'Lindsey' if they were out in public or at a show. They told absolutely no one about it; not even friends of theirs in the other bands on tour.