Dragon At Heart

Chapter 28

On Zuko's first time round, the transformation had been almost instantaneous. Same in Pohuai Stronghold. Both times he'd been very emotional, mostly desperate, but they still weren't the only times in his life he had felt threatened or cornered. So what was the common factor? What was it that he wasn't getting?

Zuko sighed again and broke his meditation stance. He walked to the edge of the field where they had set up their tent, finding Uncle fully occupied in brewing a pot of tea over a camp fire.

"This isn't working", Zuko began without a preamble, "I already know how to breath properly. I really do. We are not doing this right."

Uncle took a deep breath before turning to face Zuko, calmly allowing: "It is possible you are right. Although I still believe the key is in emotional balance, I can in no ways be sure. The talent you are attempting to master is unprecedented. I am, by no means, the most qualified person to teach you something I do not and could not know myself."

"Unfortunately, the only original fire benders I know of live on the other side of the world. Even if we did somehow manage to find a means of transportation to get us to Fire Nation, it would not be safe. If you were caught returning against the terms of your banishment, you would be imprisoned."

Zuko knew Uncle was right. They had had this conversation before. Still, he was tired of all the waiting. So tired he would have just about preferred a crazy daring trip to meet the dragons over tedious and fruitless meditation. He wanted to either do something or at the very least be on the way to do something.

"You know, previously when I turned, it was due to circumstances. Due to having to get the power working because it was the only way out. Maybe we should try to make me feel like that and..."

"No", Iroh cut Zuko off before even properly hearing him out, "It may be that necessity ignites the transformation automatically as a safety measure, but that can hardly be called a controlled and conscious process the like of which we are hoping to achieve. It should not have to come to a life-threatening situation before you feel able to change your form."

Uncle poured two cups of tea and offered the other to his nephew, gesturing for him to take a seat next to him by the fire. Grudgingly, Zuko obliged.

He didn't feel like wasting more time over something as trivial as a tea break, but it wasn't like running head-first to go practice some more had worked any better so far. He had come here to talk to Uncle, hadn't he? So maybe he should talk.

Iroh let Zuko wait a while longer before continuing their conversation. "So, you do not feel that our current approach to your studies is the right one. Why do you suppose that is?"

Zuko hadn't expected a question. Usually, when training firebending, Uncle just told him how he was supposed to do it, and then he tried and tried until he got it right. Zuko was rather advanced a bender, but not a master, so it really wasn't his place to decide how to best teach anyone, even himself.

Then again, this wasn't an average bending practice. When it came to dragons, Iroh and Zuko were almost equally knowledgeable. When it came to transforming into a dragon, Zuko was the only one of them with first-hand experience. So he thought the question over.

"I'm... I don't know", he finally said, "I just... I alreadyknow that fire is the element of life. I know it can be used for destruction and chaos, but it also feels... alive. Especially when I'm a dragon, actually. Then every flame and spark and being seems vibrant and alive. And when connecting with another being in a mind link, then too. So yes, fire is natural. Learning something I already know can't possibly be the key, can it?"

Zuko wasn't sure if even he understood what he was trying to explain, but at least Uncle didn't look outright dismissive to his nephew's ramblings. The old man simply nodded, looking contemplative.