Next Lifetime

Chapter 8

Terribly excited to meet her

To put her in her first outfit

To kiss her warm tear stained cheeks as she screams

Then one day you feel something is off

Only thing is it's what you don't feel

Her kicks

She didn't kick

So you grow worried and go to the doctor

Only for the doctor to perform an ultrasound, to have a look of concern on their face

To drop their head and step to you

Saying I'm sorry because there is no heartbeat

They tell you that you have to give birth to her

They tell you to push

You push and between each push you're sobbing

Hoping for a miracle

After the last push

It's silent

As the nurses are running around and they hold the baby out

For you to hold until they have to make the arrangements

They needed a name

Did I want her cremated or buried?

Meanwhile I'm in hysterics thinking

This was not how it was supposed to go

She is supposed to be alive

I'm supposed to be a mother

Forever missed always

Amber was always great at poetry. I knew it took a lot for her to write this. I looked down noticing we were holding hands. It's been a few hours of us just talking out everything that it was now evening.

"I'm sorry again for not telling you"

I didn't say anything as I kept staring at her picture. Thinking of what she would look like. Would she have my height as Amber said but look like a spitting image of her mother? The thoughts hurt but I can't help and think of just what if? What if she was born? She would be six by now. Our baby, our angel Mariah. Amber stood up to put the photo album away letting me know she would make me one. She was pulling clothes out and setting them on the bed.

"Going somewhere"?

"Michelle says that I need to go out, she's right anyways"

I looked towards her as she was taking out shower supplies.

"Ugh I'm just going to wash my hair and wear it natural, nah keep it straight"

"You should wear it natural and slick the sides or whatever"

I said staring at her as she placed two shirts in the air. I couldn't help but think back to when we were younger. I would help her decided what to do with her hair and what to wear. Anything to be near her at times.

"It will be a lot I would have to detangle, I will just wash it tomorrow. Wow."

She says now turning to me. I raised an eyebrow at her wondering why she said wow.

"This just brings back memories that's all"

She says smiling at me sadly and then grabbing her stuff to go to the bathroom. I smiled back as she waved and left out the room. I went up to the door to see Michelle leaning in the door way with a smirk on her face.

"Sounds like someone is getting feelings again"

She says with her arms crossed in front of her.

"We were talking about Mariah. Were friends sis that's all"

"Whatever you say Nicky"

She says shaking her head and walking away.

"Oh yeah Amber and I are going to the club with Lisa and were not coming back tonight so make sure the house is locked up if you go out"

I nodded my head to what she said and text back Alex to a pic she sent me of Laurie. I went to my room to lay across my bed and watch T.V it has been a long day. I was watching some old Nickelodeon show trying to get my mind off of everything. I heard a knock on my door an hour later and looked over to see my sister.

"Nick tell Amber the guys are about to be on her tonight please"!

She says while stepping to the side to reveal Amber. She wore a light blue sequins dress that went perfectly with her brown skin. Her hair was curled and shaped her face and she wore make up. She was gorgeous. Too fucking gorgeous. She twirled giving me a view of the back and turning back around to bless me with the front again. She always had top and bottom.

"What do you think"?

She says looking at me with her wide eyes as she gestured to herself.