Hold Me Tight, And Don't Let Go (On Hold)

Chapter 14: Truth

"No I don't."

He laughed." Yes you do, deep down inside you do. You can't go your whole life blaming everything on Luther."

" I was never blaming anything on him."

" Really?" He said doubtfully." Because anytime we have this conversation his name finds its way back in every time."

" Your the one who's forcing me to do something I don't want to do."

"I'm not forcing you, I'm trying to make you see that you have been blessed with a wonderful talent and that you ness yo embrace it." He touched my cheek with his hands." I have faith on you."

I looked away, not being able to say anything.

"I want you to be honest with me." He said as he moved behind me, making me sit between his legs, wrapping his arms tightly around me."I want you to be honest with yourself. What do you love to do, besides writing, and don't try and cop out like you usually do when your asked to be honest with yourself."

I wrinkled my nose, being honest with myself wasn't anything that I liked doing."Michael I-"

" Nope, your copping out, Terri." he said in my ear.

I rolled my eyes." I don't-"

"Theresa..."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath exhaling it slowly." You want me to be completely honest with you?"

" And yourself."

I sighed and cuddled closer to him. " I won't lie, I do love being up there singing and dancing, but I only love doing it because I do it with you." I ran my fingers through my hair trying to think of what else to say." If it wasn't for you I probably still be working with a bunch people who think they have issues when really all they need to do is go to church. That's me being honest with you."

"And what about yourself?"

I closed my eyes." I don't know how I feel inside. "

"Let me ask you this," He said as he began playing with my hair." What is it that your afraid of?'

I looked out the window where the rain was tapping softly on the window. " I'm afraid of who I really am." I said in a faint whisper." I afraid that when I do find put who I really am its going to be taken from me, that's what happened when I found out I wasn't Luther's daughter. And that he didn't want anything to do with me, I lost my will to dance and sing." I tear escaped from my eye and I quickly whipped it away." Now that I'm gaining it back, I feel like I will lose it again."

I could feel him shaking his head." You won't lose it again."He said softly." Not while your with me."

"That's the point Michael. " I said as I sat up and twisted my torso around so that I could make full contact with him." All my life I have been rejected by what was suppose to be my family. My own mother abandoned me and went off to have a family of her own with my biological father. The only father that I have ever known died of a drug overdose because of me and my sister is probably in some kind of trouble now because I doubt she even got that money she needed to pay off her debt to a drug dealer." I took a deep breath before continued." I always thought I would be alon in this world but then you came in and showed me what love was supposed to feel like. I'm afraid that I will let my abandonment issues and trust issues get in the way of you loving me."

He looked at for a moment them kissed my forehead." Do you love me?" he asked.

" Yes."

He reached over and picked up my notebook." Then you wouldn't mind singing it to me."

" Michael..." I groaned.

He laughed as he opened it to the page where it is was titled, 'Reflections' by T. Morrison. "Here, sing."he placed it in my lap and scooted closer to me.

I looked at him and sighed. He began playing with my hair as I had my little over dramatic moment.

"I'm ready when you are." he whispered in my ear.

I smiled, I loved it when he did that. I looked down at my cursive hand writing and closed my eyes and let my voice sing out. I the soft bell liked soprano tone ring in my ears as I made out off the first verse. Michael played with my hair as I sung. " ...but reflections said otherwise, I wasn't yours and you weren't mine. And now that your gone and my heart is weary. The presence of your soul it- it haunts my once sweet dreams. The picture of you makes me wonder, did you eve care, or was I just all a nightmare...to -"I stopped when I felt Michaels lips on my neck." You know, if you want me to do this, your going to have to stop all this kissing-- your distracting me." I said.

He chuckled and turned my head so my lips would meet his. His lips were soft and sweet and tender all wrapped up in one. I pushed my journal aside and wrapped my arms around his neck." I want you to take that in the studio."

"What?" I stopped kissing him and looked at him like he was crazy.

"Yes, or sing it for my fans."

I pulled away." No, baby. No."

"Why not, the song is perfect, you can feel the pain that you feel."

"Why don't you sing it."

"Because its not my kind of song to sing."

I rolled my eyes." I'm not singing it for your fans and I am not taking it to the studio."I stood up and grabbed the book.

"Why not?"

" Because, its not me. I don't want to become anymore famous than I am right now. And the only reason why I have the fame that I have now is because of you." I opened the book back to the page and walked over to my side of the bed and opened the drawer and pulled out a pack of matches. I then tore the pages out of the song and began walking towards the trash can but stopped short and turned to the bed where the picture of Luther and Anna laid.

I made eye contact with Michael, who had obviously read my expression. I grabbed the picture before he could react, I walked towards the trash can and took the bag out then I took I put the picture and the song in between my lips and held up the match and the boxes.

" Theresa, what are you doing?" He stood walked quickly towards me.

I didn't answer, I ran the match against the box.

" Theresa, don't do that."He reached over trying to take the matches from me. I turned the other way and ran against the box again. This time the flame shot up. I dropped the box at my feet and took the song and picture out my mouth.

"Theresa!"

I lit the end of the paper with the match and threw it in the trash then I dropped the the picture in along with it. I blew out the match and threw it in also.

I looked at Michael who was stating at me as if I lost my mind." Just forget it." I said in a faint whisper." Just forget it."I turned and slowly walked out of the room.