It's the same as it always is. The room never changes. The sound is deadly silent. Every day, I walk in after school, expecting something new. But it's always the same. My music-themed room with posters, CDs, merch, guitars, and notebooks filled with songs I've written is the perfect spot for me to be free. I love it to bits. But something about it makes me want to scream.
Amanda told me today that she loves me. I didn't know how to react. I told her that I love her, too, but I feel worse now. I pull off my shirt. Throw it on the floor. Look at the scars on my wrist. She'll never know they're there. I'm lost and useless, I'll kill myself before I stop wearing long sleeves to cover it up. I fall back onto my bed and scream into my pillow. The only thing I want is just to be still for a while. This room, it's killing me.
It goes this way every day. I walk into my room and look at my cuts. Then I look at my room, my sickening room, and scream. I'm entertaining sicker things. I become filled with a burning hate I can't control, that burns like a wildfire. I lock the door and turn all the water on. Bury that sound, so no one hears anything anymore. I pick up my razor and leave a new, deep scar. I look in the mirror. Tell it to lie to me, but it doesn't. I break down into a flood of tears. It's the same as it always is. It never changes.
How do I know what I'm meant to be if nothing ever changes? Who am I meant to be with? I can look around, look it over as much as I want, but it never changes.
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Desperate Measures
FanfictionTold from Josh Ramsay's POV. Josh wants change. Everything is always the same. His only friend is his girlfriend, Amanda. He has dreams of becoming a singer. But will anything ever change in his life that just makes him want to scream.
