Losing hope

First chapter Im all alone

I hide in the dark alone cause that's the only place I can be me without people hurting me. Broken down an pushed around an they wonder why I hide. I don't want to feel alone I just have to because no one cares about me I'm all alone in this cold world. No one in this world truly knows how I feel because I don't want anyone to know why say anything when they don't care anyways. It seems like I'm always alone when I need someone the most.

The pain of feeling alone kills me everyday it take everything in me to put a smile on my face. I hide because when I tried reaching out they just abandoned me. I'm afraid to let people know how I feel but when I'm alone crying I just wish someone was there to tell me it's gonna be okay. My biggest fear is feeling alone so I have to live my biggest fear every second of everyday. I've felt alone for so long I forgotten what it feels like to have some care about me.

Nothing can compare to the pain of loneliness. Every night I sit alone in my room an cry myself asleep. I wonder what it would be like to not feel so alone to feel loved an like I matter to someone just anyone. People tell me that they will always be there for me but when I need them the abandon me and leave me there all alone with no one to turn to. I sit here all alone praying for a day when some one will actually be there for me.

I try so hard to always be there for everyone else but nobody ever even tries to be there for me. I fight all alone cause no one will stand beside me. Even my dad barely has time for me or my brothers he never has time to be there for me he's either at work or hanging with friends or arguing with my mom. Some times I stop an ask myself why do I feel this way I don't wanna feel like this I don't wanna feel like I'm always alone. Why does loneliness hurt so much I mean you think being alone would hurt less cause when your alone no ones there to hurt you but by them not being there hurts especially when you have always been there for them.

I mean my own family has never even tried to be there when I needed them not even once. Sometimes I just wish and pray one day my own dad would be there to dry my tears but he never has an probably never will. My oldest brother doesn't even try he just sits in his room watching tv it would only take five seconds out of his tv time to tell me I'm not alone and everything gonna be okay even if it's not. My little brothers just way to young to understand he's one of the few people who actually has an excuse of why they can't be there for me. I just don't wanna feel alone for once.