Dead On More Than Impact (Rayrard & Frerard)

Chapter Six: Immersing and Nonsubmersible

"Gerard, can I tell you something?" Mikey leaned back into his chair, but kept his eyes trained to his coffee.

"Of course, Mikes. What's up?" I talked slowly and calmly.

"Chelsea and I have become really good friends over the past month, and we have decided to take our relationship to the next level. I just want to see how you feel about this before we move forward anymore." Mikey finally looked up and met my eyes. He had on the perfect poker face, but I could see his eyes. His eyes told the real story. He loved Chelsea and he hoped that I would agree to this. No, he didn't hope, he was begging me. He didn't want to hurt me, but he really loved her. I understood this, and I didn't want to stop my brother from having a life.

I laughed softly, "It's totally fine. You two are great. My two favorite people are going to be around a lot more. What's better than that?"

Mikey seemed to relax but I couldn't relax anymore. I could see them kissing again and suddenly I wasn't okay. I wanted them to be happy, but I was miserable. I finished my coffee in a rush. I washed my dish while he finished and passed his over, too. Maybe he wouldn't recognize how torn apart I really was. I turned and faced him cautiously.

"Promise me that the two of you will not do anything in front of me?" I dropped the glass mug in the sink once the words escaped my lips and Mikey looked upset.

"Gerard, if you aren't okay with this, then, please tell me." Mikey took over my position at the sink and finished his own mug and cleaned up the glass before I spoke again.

"I'm fine with it as long as you don't do anything in front of me. I'm not ready to see couples yet. I accept you and Chelsea. I really do. I still just hurt a lot." I looked down and made sure that the drink in my jacket wasn't going to fall out. I definitely needed it tonight.

Mikey crossed the room and hugged me, "I promise we won't until you are good and ready."

I wrapped one arm around him and pretended that my other wrist was still hurting. Mikey seemed to understand and he left afterwards to tell Chelsea the good news. I walked over to the couch and set the bottle on the coffee table before making sure my door was locked. I pulled the scalpel from underneath the couch and ran it lightly over the palm of my hand. I didn't cut, but it was tempting. I drank the whole bottle of alcohol in record time before laying down on the couch. I brought the scalpel close to my face and examined it with my blurry vision. There were blood stains on it and even in my tipsy mood, I knew that I needed to wash it. I stumbled into the bathroom and the mirror was shining happily at me. Someone had taken the blanket down. I stared at my reflection and felt disgusted. My hair was greasy and I was ugly.

Once the blade was clean, I took my pants off without looking away from the mirror. I cut onto my thigh and watched through the mirror as the blood squirted out. I limped back over to the couch and stuck the blade back where it belonged. I would be more responsible with my cutting. I didn't want to end up in the hospital again. I got into the shower shortly afterwards and washed away all of the blood until the water ran clean. I moved over onto my couch and fell asleep in my underwear. It's not like I was expecting anyone to come over tomorrow. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep immediately.

* * *

I woke up with the loud ringing of my home phone. I quickly jumped off of the couch and ran to the phone. I could feel the cut on my thigh reopen, but I needed to answer the phone. I picked it up and placed it to my ear all in one rush.

"Hello, this is Gerard speaking."

"Hey Gerard, it's Frank." Frank sounded nervous and awkward.

"Hey, Frank. What's going on?" I was staring down at my leg and frowning. It was a lot of blood and it was dripping all the way down my leg and onto the carpet. There was definitely going to be a stain.