Writings..

Scared..

I'm to scared to tell people how much it hurts because every-time I do someone tells the councilor and she calls my parents and says she thinks it's time for me to go back to the mental hospital.. So instead I keep it all to myself. Have you ever told one of your friends something and they tell you something more dramatic that you know is a lie, but they HAVE to beat you at everything so they come up with this huge story that doesn't even go together, Just so they can make you feel even worse for what's REALLY going on with you, because you think your problem is real and matters? That is almost all my "friends",  they have to beat me, be better then me in every way possible.. I was kicked out of the only thing I loved that was keeping my mind off killing myself because my "BEST FRIEND" thought she wanted to be in color guard and practiced and practiced till she was better than me... Then when I got kicked so she could be on, she quit saying she never wanted to be in it. LIKE TF? You're so scared so you lock yourself away and put up the strongest wall you can build, praying no one will have the strength to break it down.. Then someone does and they make you fall in-love with them, then they pretend to love you too..  As soon as you start trusting them and showing it they start to abuse you and make you terrified, leave bruises, then your parents see them and flip out knowing where and who they came from.. Saying he was bad for me, they file a police report, and I lose ALL my friends, being as they where all his friends too... They didn't believe me, even with the bruises, and marks around my throat, they said I put them are on my own, all the marks on my legs, and arms.. You become so scared that when people come to you and see the pain in your eyes and go to hug you, you flinch and break down crying... Yet you can't tell anyone what's wrong cause no one will believe you...