Depressed and Confused

Chapter 1

I had been staring out my window for quite some time and can't seem to move away from. The sky is empty.. Like my heart is right now. I don't know what to think or do.. So I just stare. Watching the clouds move by and birds soar threw the air. Must feel good to be free. I'd rather be flying right now.. "Brittany, it's time to eat!" I heard my father yell. I didn't move though, or even flinch. I haven't said a single word to ANYONE since then. I heard a knock on my door. I didn't know who it was and quiet frankly, didn't care. There's no one I want to talk to right now. They need to just leave me alone and let me think. I look down at my sleeve that rolled up and see my scars going up and down my forearm. My eyes look back at the window while my arm pulls down my sleeve. Whoever was at the door kept knocking and didn't seem like he or she was going to stop. I look at myself and make sure they won't be able to see any of my newly formed cuts, walked over ,and opened the door. "It's time to eat." My older sister, Diana, said. She looked like she was annoyed at me or someone else so I didn't say anything back. I went downstairs and crossed over threw our pretty big living room into the kitchen which was smaller than it might seem in our big blue house. "Where have you been?" My mother asked. I didn't say anything, but I knew if I didn't at least let her know, she'd get upset. I pointed towards the stair case. She nodded and went back to fixing our plates. There were only two rooms upstairs, mine, and Diana's. So she knew where I was.

I grabbed my plate, fixed me some drink, and went back upstairs. I felt like everyone had been watching me while I was grabbing my drink and plate.. Made me a bit uncomfortable. But I already did. I walked in my room and sat my plate down on the table next to my bed, and let my knees drop me to the floor. Tears began to flow threw my eyes. And there's no way they would stop. I was so heart broken.. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My ex girlfriend, Caty, left me.. After everything she said. Why, why did she do it.. I clenched my sheets in my hands and let out a whine. Tears continued to flow. I need to go with her.. I promised to be by her side no matter what. "Brittany!" I heard my mom call. Now what I thought. I rubbed my eyes and looked in my mirror to fix my face. Them seeing me if I had been crying wouldn't be good. I walked back down the stairs and walked into the living room to find someone at the door with my mom. I walked over and saw it had been my ex's mom. I walked to them to see what they had been wanting. "Hi Brittany.. I have something for you." She held out her hand and it had been a letter appointed to me. From Caty. I grabbed the paper and ran upstairs to my room as tears had once again began to flow. I look down at the letter, wondering if I should even read it. I ignored my negative thoughts and started to rip open the seal and started to read.

"Dear Brittany," it said. "I'm sorry to have been lying to you for so long, and I'm sorry if I have been putting you threw pain and I hope this letter doesn't put you threw even more. But I don't feel right leading you on and pretending. I have been lying. I used you and I feel so bad to have done it. I am alive and well and I'm currently living with my boyfriend in Chicago. The only way to be able to get to him was by dating you.. I'm sorry for using you and making you think this was real.. I like didn't think it'd get this far. Sincerely, Caty". My Eyes widened. I read over the letter over and over to make sure what I just heard was right. After have read it for what seemed like the 12th time. I balled up the paper and threw it against the wall along with my fists. I punched the wall repeatedly and screamed. This wasn't real. It couldn't be. Her death was fake.. Her love was fake.. She was fake. It was all a lie. Tears were pouring out my eyes, soaking my sheets. I buried my face into the pillow and cried for hours. My food was still on the table, and there was no way I wanted to touch it. Not now. My crying turned to whining and my head and heart was pounding. How could anyone do this? Play with someone's life? I was wrong. I never should have fallen for anyone. I'm not meant to be loved.. Was it because I liked girls? I didn't know.. I mean I like guys, but most of them are ass holes and most girls are sweet. Or so I thought. I was wrong .. But more than anything, she was wrong. She was a terrible person. I finally stopped crying and I just sat there and laid on my bed. Until sleep had taken me.