Getting Over Matt

8 - "You're all I want."

"I just wanted to talk where we couldn't be interrupted so that I know I've got your undivided attention." 

"Well, you've got it," I said warily.  

"I want to apologise," he said, his eyes filled with desperation.  

That made me feel even sicker. Why was he apologizing? What had he done?

"Apologise for what?" I asked quietly, almost scared for the reply.  

Then his eyes narrowed slightly in confusion. "You don't remember? The party?" 

Then it came flooding back to me. After my exciting weekend with Nathan, I'd forgotten all about how close Matt had got to Lucy. Relief washed over me and all feelings of sickness faded away.  

"Oh, that. Yeah. You text me about it." 

"I know but you didn't sound like you'd forgiven me and I really am sorry about it, Iz." He took hold of my hand again. "I don't even know what I was thinking. I guess a small, selfish part of me liked the fact I was receiving female attention-" 

"Is female attention from me not enough?" I asked, slightly hurt. How could he get a kick out of receiving female attention when he hated getting affection from me in public? I was the one who should be craving the attention, because I was the one who wanted it.  

His lips parted, but no words came out. Usually, when we fought, Matt apologised and I forgave him immediately. I didn't tend to prolong the argument.  

"Iz," he murmured, winding his arms around my body. "You're all I want. Lucy means nothing to me. I'd never have cheated on you. I just liked the attention. But if I could only ever receive attention from one girl then I'd choose you. You know what you mean to me." 

"It just hurt."  

"I was so scared that I'd lost you this weekend," Matt murmured, resting his head against mine. "I was so angry at myself that I'd risked losing you over something so stupid and selfish of me." 

"I want to move past it now," I told him truthfully. "Just don't do anything like that again." 

"I won't," he assured me. "I've learnt my lesson." 

I forced a smile and gave him a quick peck on the lips to assure him that all was forgiven. I knew I wouldn't forget it—I didn't forget things easily—but it saved arguing more about it. 

"Oh," he suddenly said. "There's one more thing." 

Nathan, I immediately thought. Now he wants to know about Nathan.

"What?" I asked.  

"I wanted to apologise for, uh, for taking you back to mine. I feel like I sort of pressured you into doing it." He tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, looking guilty again.  

"You didn't pressure me into anything. I appreciated the forwardness." I smiled.  

He scratched his head, frowning in thought. "Well, regardless, I didn't treat you well enough afterwards. I slept with you and then I went off flirting with other girls. Now that I'm sober and thinking rationally about it... it really wasn't acceptable. I'm so sorry." 

"Well, so long as you now realise how it made me feel..." I trailed off, not wanting to go into anymore. I was sick of thinking about it, and sick of discussing it. "Matt, I really don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's just move on, yeah?" 

He smiled, looking grateful and relieved. "Yeah. That sounds great."  

He leant to kiss me again, but properly this time. The kiss was full of affection and tenderness, like he wanted me to enjoy it more than him. His thumb gently stroked my cheek as his lips caressed mine.