Just A Little Different

Chapter 24

The next few days were hell. My mind constantly fought between I'm not ready to leave my mom yet. Ian can do without me, and I'm grown up now. Besides, Ian needs me here. The worst part of it was the pressure. Ian was more patient than my mom was about the decision because my mom was very anxious about me leaving her side for good. Yet, at the same time, he also added more pressure. It wasn't exactly his fault. I didn't think he even knew, but it was just something in the way he clung to me in those few days that made me realize he was more dependent on me, and I felt even worse.

On the day I knew I had to give them my answer, I still wasn't sure. I asked Ian to give me some space and walked down to his normal thinking area by the river. What should I do? There is too much weight on my shoulders. I can't make this decision on my own. I decided to call Ambrew and Adam and have them meet me there.

When they arrived, they must have seen how anxious I was about the situation. "Ian will be fine, Ben," Ambrew said calmly when I finished explaining my thoughts to them. "If you decide to go, we can take care of him. Besides, you can still see him everyday on Skype, right?"

I nodded slowly. Adam added, "Why don't you choose what you think is better? What feels right?"

"Because, I don't know," I admitted sadly. "Ian is the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I can't leave my mom when I'm not sure that I'm ready. I've lived here my whole life and all of my friends are here but...what if there are new friends waiting for me there, new places to visit? It won't be the same, but it might be refreshing, you know?"

I felt Ambrew's arm wrap around my shoulders and I laid my head on his. "You don't deserve to have this happening to you, Ben. I really hope this doesn't affect either of them in a negative way."

"It's your choice," Adam mumbled. "We can't make it for you, but we will stand by you no matter what."

I grinned sadly. "Thanks, guys."

~~~~~~~~

I waited anxiously for Ben to come home. I was sitting at my desk, staring at a blank computer screen. I didn't want to do anything at the moment, but I didn't want to lay around either. I had decided to do some typing instead. However, I couldn't find inspiration. Nothing was coming to mind. In the end, I closed the laptop in frustration and went outside. Maybe the fresh air will clear my mind. I didn't bother to put my shirt on. It was too warm for that anyway and it was just getting warmer. I sat on the concrete stairs, taking in the warmth from the air around me.

A bee buzzed away busily. A butterfly or two fluttered by. Even a stray cat padded out of a bush, then ran after a nearby squirrel. For the first time, none of this was a distraction for me. I was more worried about Ben. He seemed really upset when he left and I figured he might still be making a decision. How ever much it hurts, I'm sure he will make the right choice. I wanted to cry at the thought of him going really far away and never seeing him again. We had talked about the future a lot before. If he left, it would never happen. There wouldn't be a future, would there? I was about to cry just thinking about it, but he hadn't said anything yet, and I did not want to cry over nothing. Maybe he'll stay. Maybe I'm being paranoid over nothing.

~~~~~~~~

It was almost sunset when I finally went home. I stayed outside for a while, taking in everything around me, the grass, the trees, the neighboring houses, the animals running around trying to reach their own homes, the sounds of crickets chirping and cars zooming by every so often. I sat down in the middle of the lawn and watched the sun as it sunk below the horizon. When it finally disappeared, leaving nothing more than a fading pink light behind, I stood up and went inside.

"Mom, Ian!" I called when I walked in. I waited for them to come out from wherever they were hiding, mom in the kitchen and Ian in his room. "Come on." They followed me to the living room and sat down on the couch. I sat on the coffee table in front of them. For a few minutes, I sat with my head bowed, lost in thought. Then I rubbed my face and looked up. Ian's blue eyes were brimming with anticipation, anxiety making itself known in the way he bit his lip and played with his hair, twirling it around his finger and letting it get all knotted up. My mom's green eyes were unreadable, and she showed no signs of actually feeling anything. She just stared at me as she waited for me to start talking again, completely expressionless.

My heart raced as I looked between the two of them. Sitting in front of me was the woman who had raised me, stayed up with me all night whenever I was ill, taught me everything I knew, always found a way to make me see the brighter side in everything. Then there was the man who I grew up with, who still needed help coping through sad times, loved me and needed me, depended on me at all times, even if he didn't want to admit it. I knew someone would be hurting no matter what I said, but I was ready to tell them my choice.

I felt my eyes tear up. I looked from one to the other and my voice shook as I finally said, "I've made my decision."