Bloodless Day

High Tensions

Carrie. Carrie Carrie Carrie.

My heart had shattered, and I cut myself on all the glass.

I missed her so much. I thought I'd healed, but Wes had torn my wound open and poured alcohol on it. It burned.

BD sensed my mood as I led him from his stall and towards the waiting trailer. Churchill Downs was slowly vacating as horses traveled to Pimlico for the Preakness. The morning was an ugly one- steel gray clouds creased with candy red, exhaust fumes from the truck scenting the world with an acrid smell.

I knew why Wes had done it. She wanted to rattle me like I'd been at Santa Anita, to upset BD and make him lose.

Well, it wouldn't work.

"Here." I thrust BD's lead rope at Ned. He caught it just in time, shooting me a perplexed look that matched BD's almost exactly. The betrayal reflected in my horse's eyes nearly broke my heart, but I could not, would not ruin his chances at the Crown. "My ankle hurts and I can't load him today."

That, of course, was utter bullshit and Ned knew it. But he studied me with that confused look in his eyes and nodded, once, before leading BD up the ramp. BD was far too tired- the race, the early wake up, my exhausting sadness- to protest, but I knew the explosion would come later.

Well, he would have to deal with it.

I was done.

Goodie and Spain were going their own ways, so it was just Ned, Jack, and I in the truck on the way back. Ned drove and Jack took the passenger seat, so I was left to curl up in the back, listening to Jack rage. The truck hadn't even started and he was shouting, it seemed at absolutely nothing. It took me a while to work out that he was talking about his dad.

"So, he called, and he didn't even congratulate me. Didn't say hello son, how are you, it's been a few years. No. He said, 'your stepmother and I are trying to buy a new house and that ten percent would make a mighty nice down payment.'"

Jockeys tended to receive ten percent of their winnings as payment, rather than an hourly rate. I'd always thought this seemed unfair, but abruptly I realized that yesterday meant over one hundred thousand dollars in less than three minutes for Jack.

Ned pulled away from the shedrow as Jack continued venting. "I didn't even know I had a stepmother! And apparently a stepsister too! But he's too far up his own-"

"Ahem," Ned said softly. Behind us, cheered by his victory, BD began to kick rhythmically at the trailer. Jack hushed for a moment, then threw his face into his hands.

"He's probably bragging to all his friends. He's probably boasting about how he raised me, practically by himself, and everybody will think it's-" one of his hands left his face to touch his shoulder. So carefully. With a shudder, the jockey fell silent.

I stared dully out the window as Churchill Downs slipped past us, as Ned put a cautious hand on Jack's arm. Jack seemed to relax, and finally the mood settled. "And Anna? Have you anything to add?"

"No," I muttered. Carrie.

The ginger groom's eyes met mine in the rear view mirror. Something about his gaze made me wonder if he knew something I didn't- it was far too knowing for my liking. "Did you know that one of the grooms from the Zasco LTD was working with a colicky horse last night, in the shedrow opposite ours?"

So the groom had heard everything. And told Ned. Shame and regret rose like bile in my mouth, burning my tongue. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, little Anna. But we're always here for you."