Lucky

Decisions

How can I let Kendall go?

My thoughts was disturbed by the ringing of my phone.

The moment I answered the call, Poppy's worried voice welcome me.
"Cara?! Where are you? Are you okay? Why the hell are you not enswering my call?! " She asked continously not minding me not answering a single question.

I can't help but to smile with my sisters reaction. She cares so much about me. And I thank her for that.

Atleast someone cares about me.

"I'm okay Poppy, i'm here at Joe Jonas house. I think i'll stay here for the night." I explained.

"You got me worried Cara! Have you seen the news? Ken-"

I didn't even let her finish as I cut her off immediately. "Please Poppy, i don't wanna hear another word about that." I said with a hint of hurt in my voice.

I don't wanna be bitter or something but its hurts so much.

It hurts so damn much.

"Okay, I'm sorry about that, but Cara what are you going to do now?" She sadly asked me. I know she's hurting for me too.

"I don't know. I really don't have any idea what I'm going to do." I honestly said to my sister.

I don't really know what to do with my life anymore.

I'm torn in between telling her the truth or just hiding it forever.

If I tell her everything, things will never be the same again. I might lose her and she might just hate me for that and end our friendship. I don't want that to happen. It would kill me a million times over and over again.

And if I would keep this a secret, i will live a life full of lies. I will live every single day of my life seeing Kendall being happy with him. I will live everyday being slowly killed by the fact that I am inlove with someone whose madly inlove with someone else.

In the end my two choices has the same outcome. I would just end up getting killed by either telling her everything and losing her or keeping it a secret and love her secretly, which would both end up on hanging myself on the corner of my room because i can't live with the pain anymore.

"Why don't you just come home as soon as possible? Then we'll have our vacation together. Let's meet Mom and Dad and join them for a week or even a month if you want." Poppy said encourangingly which brought me back from my deep thoughts.

"I don't know Pop. I know i need time to let things cool down but I can't last another day without seeing her again. I can't stand this anymore. Atleast I wanna see her before going home" I explained before taking a deep sigh.

Life is full of shit! Why can't life be less complicated?!

"Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" She asked me which made my eyebrow furrow.

"Can you hear yourself Poppy? She's already in a relationship! I ain't a homewrecker!" I frustratedly said as I massage my temple.

"You can't make it a secret forever! You can't hide it forever! You're lying to yourself and to Kendall too. I didn't say that you'll take her away from him. What I mean is atleast tell her how you feel!" She argued.

"And if I tell her what would happen?! It would just ruin my relationship with her! You know that I can't lose Kendall! I can't! I just cant!" I fight back as the tears that i'm holding started to rush down.

"Stop being negative! Just please atleast be honest to yourself once and for all!" Poppy exclaimed.

"You just don't know how hard this is for me! You're not the one who fell inlove with your bestfriend in the first place!" I argued again as I start to sob because of this talk turning into a fight.