"Sabi ng doktor normal lang daw ito, hindi ba?" I answered. "I'll be okay."
"Are you sure?"
I nodded my head. I went to the sink and brushed my teeth. Lumabas na si Seth habang naghihilamos ako ng mukha at lumabas na din ako pagkatapos kong ayusin ang sarili ko. I caught a smell of something burning the moment I opened the door to the living room. Agad akong tumakbo sa kusina kung saan nanggagaling ang amoy na iyon.
"Seth, what are you doing?" Tanong ko.
"I turned it off. It's okay." Sabi nito. "I was looking for the eggs, I forgot about the sausages."
"Ano ba kasing ginagawa mo?"
"I was trying to set the house on fire. What does it look like?" He sarcastically said.
"Bakit naman kasi nagluluto ka? You can't even wash your dishes to save your life."
"This is what I get for all my efforts? You're welcome." He barks a humorless laugh.
"Just leave the cooking to me." I sighed. "Ano bang gusto mong kainin?"
"I'm not really hungry. I just thought since you're not feeling good, ako na lang ang magluluto ng breakfast."
"Okay lang ako, sanay na ako dito. Umupo ka na lang d'yan ako na magluluto." Irap ko sa kanya. Pero sa loob-loob ko kinikilig ako. I found those simple things he does (or he tries to do) really sweet. Seth pulling my hair back while I was vomiting, him trying to make breakfast for me... It was something I had never pictured a Seth Timothy Fonacier would do.
Kagagaling ko lang sa flowershop ng madatnan ko si Seth na nagpapaint ng nursery room. He was topless with his muscley back turned to me. I leaned against the door frame, my eyes indulged in the set before them. I bit my lower as I watched him painting the walls. A week ago, lumipat siya dito. We share a room and we sleep together in one bed. I love falling asleep next to him, he doesn't know this but every night nagkukunwari akong tulog at nararamdaman kong niyayakap niya ako. Hindi ko din alam kung tulog ba siya habang ginagawa niya iyon o alam niya rin ang ginagawa niya dahil nakatalikod ako madalas sa kanya. I love feeling his warmth against my body. Him pulling me close to him. Me feeling safe in his arms.
And once, I think it was yesterday, I woke up with a hard thing pressed against my butt. Yes, it its what I thought it was. Hindi ko naman siya masisisi dahil natural iyon sa katawan ng lalaki. We'd learn that in science. Nocturnal penile tumescene, that was what they call it, but it was better known as morning wood. It wasn't something that guys have control over. Now the smart and polite thing to do was to get out of bed but it took me awhile to do so. My brain made up a bunch of excuse not to leave the bed. At that moment, I felt like I took advantage of him and his morning wood. I guess it was what they say about pregnant women being horny. Kaya nga pagbangon ko sa kama, nag-rosary agad ako.
"Hey." Sabi niya ng mapansin akong nakatayo doon.
Ngumiti lang ako sa kanya.
"I got bored so I decided to paint this room. The color's gender neutral, beige with a tinge of yellow. Maganda ba?"
Tinignan ko ang wall paint at nakita ang kulay nito. I nodded my head. "Maganda."
"You like it?"
"Oo naman." I said. "Gagawa lang ako ng sandwich. Gusto mo din?"
"Sure." He said.
Iniwan ko muna siya sa at nagpunta ako sa kusina para gumawa ng sandwich. Gumawa dina ko ng juice para sa aming dalawa. Kumuha muna ako ng bimpo sa kwarto bago dalhin ang tray ng pagkain sa nursery room dahil basang-basa na siya sa pawis.
"Kain muna tayo." I said as I was putting tray down.
Ibinaba niya ang paint roller na hawak niya at lumapit sa akin. Inabot ko ang bimpo at pinunasan ko ang pawis sa noo niya. His hand reached up to mine. He just held my hand and I looked up at him. His olive eyes were intense. Manhid lang ang hindi makakaramdam ng tensyon sa pagitan namin. Dahan-dahan kong binawi ang kamay ko at tumalikod sa kanya. I poured myself a glass of juice to cool myself down.
Tinungga ko ang isang baso ng juice.
"Marian?" Narinig kong sabi niya. He leaned against the table next to me. "Paano kapag nalaman ng ama ng anak mo ang tungkol sa bata?"
"Huh?"
"What if he finds out about the baby? Are you going to let him into your baby's life?"
"Hindi ko alam." Kibit-balikat na sabi ko. I tried to answer as casual as possible.
"So there's a possibility?" He grabbed a sandwich from the plate and took a bite out of it.
"Siguro." Sagot ko. "Depende sa sitwasyon."
"Ano'ng klaseng sitwasyon?" He asked with a confused look on his face.
"Kung magpapakaresponsable siya, kung magmature na siya, at kung kaya niyang panindigan ang pagiging ama sa anak ko, bakit hindi? I want a stable life for my baby. I don't want my child to have a father that's only there when he feels like being a father." Bumuntong-hininga ako. Isa pa yun sa kinatatakutan ko kung malaman ni Seth ang totoo. He wasn't mature and responsible enough. It would scare him lalo na at hindi niya naman ito pinlano. Kung panindigan niya ang bata at magkamali siya sa pagiging ama, ang anak namin ang higit na maaapektuhan. I didn't want my child seeing his father party like its the end of the world or walk out of the club with different women clinging on his arms every night. Hindi ganong klaseng buhay ang gusto ko para sa anak ko.
Chapter Thirty Two
Depuis le début
