Cheerleaders: A Different Side

Chapter One

This is it. I can't take this anymore.. I'm done. Right after school, no one was home. Perfect time...I got all the pills I could find in our medicine cabinet and shoved them down my throat with a big gulp of water. I had no idea what I had just done or taken, but all I remember was hitting my head on the counter and then the floor.. I woke up the next night, in a hospital bed. I looked around and their were so many wires and tubes attached to me. And I had a throbbing headache. I felt my head and their was a huge thick bandaid wrapped around it.

"Great! You're up." some doctor or nurse said as they walked in.

"Yeah.." I replied quietly.

"Hi Peyton, I'm Doctor Pierce. I'll be your doctor for the next couple of days or maybe weeks."

"Weeks? What happened to me?" I said in shock. I already knew that I had tried to kill myself, but I asked anyway.

"Well, yesterday after you got home from school, you took multiple pills at once, to try and kill yourself. The pills caused you to pass out. On the way down you hit your head on the granite counters, which caused a big gash and a major concussion. depending how you react to the medicine we have to give you, and how fast the concussion gets better, could cause you to stay for a few weeks." he explained.

"Oh.." I said, looking down

"Peyton, this is a serious matter. You really could have died. We have a counselor coming in a few days to talk to you, about why you have been feeling suicidal."

"I don't need to see a counselor. I'm fine." I said harshly. Doctor Pierce looked away and changed the subject.

"Ok Peyton let me bring your family in to see you before we start the check up.." My mom walked in first, and she immediately started to cry. She squeezed me as hard as she could, but I was very fragile at the moment so I asked her to stop. My 12 year old little brother, Logan, walked in after and gave me a hug. Then my littlest sister, Jessica, came in with the sweetest voice

"PeyPey, why are you here?" I wanted to start crying. I told her I was sick and she hugged me and left. The doctor asked them to wait in the lobby while they give me a checkup.

"Alright. We need to weigh you, measure you, and take your blood pressure. Then we have to insert 2 IV's into you. Fluids."

"Um.. well, do you have to weigh me?" I asked.

"Well of course... We have to have all of that." He said, making me look stupid.

"I can just tell you my weight! I don't need to be weighed, I promise!" I said.

"Sorry Peyton, I need to weigh you." he replied. I was so scared for him to weigh me, because I knew my weight wasn't normal. Being a flyer on a world champion level 5 team, is stressful. I had cut out some of my meals..to keep my weight down. Some people noticed, but no one ever said anything to me. I got measured, and I was 5'3. I was shaking as I stepped onto the scale, shaking, I was so scared. For being 16, 5'3, and an active teenager, like me, the average weight is about 115-125. It took a few seconds for the weight to pop up... it was 97.2. Really low... Doctor Pierce was in shock. He told me that I am at a very un-healthy weight. We walked back to my room and I laid back down on my bed. The doctor left the room and a girl nurse came in. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, she was really pretty. She came beside me and shook my hand

"Hi. My name is Julie, I am the hospitals teen nutritionist. You must be Peyton."

I nodded and shook her hand back. She sat down and then started asking me about my weight, and what and how much I eat daily. "Well, I eat regularly, I never eat breakfast, and a lot of people don't, and sometimes I eat lunch but I always eat dinner." I explained.

"When you do eat, what do you usually eat?"

"For lunch I always have a water with me, and I usually eat either a banana, or carrots. And for dinner, most of the time I just make myself a sandwich."

She took notes and then paused.

"Peyton, do you think you have an eating disorder?" she asked.

"No! Of course not."

"Well Peyton, you're very underweight, and you haven't been eating regularly, I think you're anorexic." she explained.

I sat there for a few minutes and looked at her, and looked around the room, 'Why am I even here?'

"Look. I am fine. I don't know why everyone feels the need to keep me here. I want to leave." I told her, sternly.

"Well Peyton, that isn't my decision whether to release you or not." She stood up. "The therapist will be here tomorrow to talk to you more." And she left. I was sitting there for about 3 minutes waiting for the doctor, when my nurse peeked her head in. She told me that Doctor Pierce would be about 20 minutes, he is very busy. I told her that was fine and she left. I looked on my bedside table and saw my phone. I picked it up and I had exactly 236 text messages from people telling me they loved me and they're glad I'm okay. I tried to reply to as much as I could. But it was hard. All of my friends texted me, from school and cheer, of course. I got texts from a lot of my present and past teachers and coaches too. I never thought so many people cared about me, but it looks like they only care now, because I tried to kill myself. It made me feel special and used all at the same time. I scrolled through instagram and twitter, and all my friends were posting pictures they had with me, and tweets about me. It was really nice, especially from my best friends. My 7th grade school cheer coach and english teacher, Ms.Connor, texted me just now. I was so close with her. I told her almost everything. She was like my older sister, since mine passed away in a car accident when I was only three.

The message from her read:

"Peyton, I am so glad you are okay. I had no idea that you were going through so much at home. I am pretty much bawling, trying to write this message to you. I don't know what I would have done without my favorite freshman, Pey. You are most definitely the strongest person I know. You always came into 6am cheer practices with the biggest smile on your face. No matter how early it was, or if you were upset about anything at home. It seems like when you walked through the gym doors, all your worries went away. I admire that about you Peyton. Cheer is something you love to do. Competitive and school cheer, you are really going to go far in cheerleading. Call me tonight if you can, I'd love to talk to you, and come visit you at the hospital soon. Love you Peyton, you're in my prayers. -Ms.Connor."

I set my phone down and started crying. I can't believe I actually tried to kill myself. Cheerleading was definitely not going through my mind when I swallowed all those pills. I looked down at my 2012 Worlds ring and started crying more. I worked so hard for this, and I could have just ended cheerleading for myself for good.. I started to read through more texts from my friends, and they all basically said the same thing. "I am glad you're okay! Hope to see you soon! Get well! Love you!" It still made me feel special that people were thinking about me. I even got a texts from random numbers that I didn't even know.

The doctor came in and told me more about the therapist coming the next day. We talked about the visiting hours because people were dying to see me...Doctor Pierce said to get some rest and the nurses will check on me throughout the night and when I wake up. He left, and my mom and my siblings said goodnight and went home. I checked my phone again before I went to bed and I had 150 new messages, since earlier. Ugh. How am I ever going to read through them... I checked Instagram and Twitter, plugged my phone in, switched off the lights, and went to bed.