Rookery ~ Assassin's Creed Syndicate

Chapter Twenty Four

My legs gave way at the sheer sight of all of my hair gone. I curled up into a ball in the corner of the carriage to hide myself away from the world. Hair may not seem like a very important thing, and I did still have some, but a lot of my fondest memories usually included my hair in one way or another. Tears were coursing down my cheeks now, loud sobs wracking my body.

Not long after, the train stopped moving and screeched to a halt. Three sets of feet trampled onto the next carriage. It was surprising that I had heard them over my wailing. They quickly stopped, as if suddenly noticing me, and the door in front of me was thrown open.

"Carina?" Jacob fell to his knees and pulled me into his arms. "What on Earth happened?" He went to place one hand on my back and the other to the back of my head to keep my as close to him as possible. He removed his hand from my head and inspected it, as if he had felt blood there. "Your hair... Did someone break in and do this? Was it the Blighters again? Carina?" I couldn't make sense of anything, so stayed breathing in the familiar scent on his jacket. "You need to tell me exactly what happened. You are completely torn up about something." I could feel his heartbeat quicken in his chest. "You're scaring me." Evie and Henry stood behind him, looking just as shocked as Jacob had. He turned his head when he saw me looking at them. "Would you two give Carina a little bit of space? It would be easier if I helped her alone first. Less daunting for her, as well." They obliged. "Now, let's calm you down and have you tell me what happened." He spoke calmly, despite the obvious amount of stress and fear which was going through him.

And I did. I trusted him with all of my heart and I didn't want to let that ruin our relationship. I started from the beginning which is always a good place to start. I told him about the origin of my panic attacks, how it had been my mother's death to bring it on. I then spoke about the story behind my hair. How Andrew, my older brother, had gotten Yellow Fever after a business trip to Spain when a mosquito bit him and how he had to stay in bed until his condition either got better or until he passed away, the latter being the outcome in this case. My attempted suicide came next, and Jonah helping me down from the chimney. Then I spoke about arriving in London. It had sparked a few night terrors, not full blown panic attacks, due to the sudden change in my life.

"They all feel the same." I managed through my fast breaths and tears. "Strangling, sickening, difficult to move, dizziness. More importantly, the mental strain the attacks put me through would probably be enough to last someone a lifetime." Jacob was delicately trailing one finger up and down my spine at a slow pace. "And, today, I went to see Alec for some advice." My tears were slowing, but I could feel a wave of them pushing back up again. "We talked for a while and I began to feel this cold sweat coming over me. I knew that the panic attack was starting. I rushed back to the train to lay down, but then the final section of the attack came. The voices started screaming in my head, convincing me that everything would stop if I cut off my hair." I placed a hand to the side of my head, my hair only reaching my wrist when my fingertips were at the top of my ear. "So I did it. There was nothing I wanted to do more than stop everything. So, cutting my hair seemed like the only option when I was being screamed at." Water rushed quickly to my eyes again. "And now I feel so pathetic for crying over my hair." I buried my face in Jacob's chest again, his scent seeming to be the only thing to slightly calm me down.

"What advice did you need from Alec?" I shook my head furiously, but then remembered Alec's advice.

"I do think that perhaps you should take this matter up with Jacob, in all fairness. It would more than likely do you some good to speak with him."

I bit back my fears and took a deep, shaky breath. Jacob's hands were in my hair again. The soft, comforting touch of his calloused hands against my head managed to slow my tears yet again. And then I realised that we were still practically in the doorway with the door wide open.

"I went for advice on what to do about us."

"Us?" I nodded. "What specifically?"

"You and Pearl."

"There is nothing between Pearl and I. She is simply a contact, some way to make our path to Starrick easier."

"I had become jealous. My anxiety had clearly been making me delusional. I realise now that I didn't have anything to worry about, but that won't change anything now anyway." He sighed sadly.

"No, of course not." He placed a soft kiss to my forehead and a warmth spread through me. Then, I let out a quiet little weep and Jacob removed my head from his chest. "Smile for me. You are far too beautiful to have your face covered in tears." Despite my completely upset mood, a light red colour still rose to my cheeks at the compliment.

"I don't think I can smile right now." He gave a sad smile, as if demonstrating what I should do, then a quiet laugh escaped his lips.

Those same lips then grew closer to mine and ours connected in the middle. He pressed a hot kiss to my mouth and I could have sworn that it felt as if it was full of an apology, expressed with a flirtatious gesture. Jacob's strong hands held the sides of my head and his thumbs brushed against my cheeks in the same rhythm as the kiss. When he pulled away, it was with a sympathetic look in his eyes. His hands stayed either side of my face.

"If I could take your pain away, I would. I know that this will stay with you forever, but if I can help you make happier memories to try and blur the bad ones, I will." His hands fell to my shoulders. Mine rested on his chest, clinging to the fabric of his undershirt, and I could still feel the quickness of his heartbeat. It was irregular, quick, like that of someone who was scared. What was he scared of, however? What exactly did he have to be scared of? "Truthfully, I love you." That's what he was scared of. Confessing his love and possibly being shot down by someone he held dear. That someone seemed to be me. He held my eyes with his own chocolate brown orbs which seemed to glisten with fear. My silence was probably something for him to worry about, which I soon realised, and began thinking what to say back. "Perhaps I have said this all too soon. But, please. Say something. You are scaring me again." Next, I saw embarrassment on his face. Embarrassed by the way he had confessed? By the fact that he had confessed in the first place? Or perhaps I was reading his emotions all wrong. His chest pounded harder and faster against my knuckles. I swallowed hard, trying to rid myself of the tears tumbling down my cheeks. Then, under the realisation of just how much of a commitment Jacob had just made, I grinned and threw my arms around his neck. The two of us rocked slightly at my sudden movement, and I left a trail of kisses down his face. Finally reaching his lips, I left one deep one there, my smile staying on my face throughout the kiss. "And what was that for?" Jacob laughed.

"I may not be able to forget the past, but I certainly want a good future. And it seems like you are the only one in my near future." My hand were clasped together behind his head. "I don't think I could ask for a better person to make some good memories with." He removed a handkerchief from his pocket and swished it around my cheeks to dry my salty tears. When my whole face was dry, I hugged him tightly again. His face was buried in my neck and he held one arm across my back to my opposite side. "And I love you too."