Forever's a long time

Chapter 13

Sam put his mug down and walked to the window, hardly seeing the beautiful scenery outside.

Nate walked behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Does Michelle know?" He asked quietly.

Sam shook his head, "No... I mean she knows about G and what I do for him. She knows he needs it and I've done it before, but it's never been like this. I still love Michelle and the kids with everything in me. But..." Sam sighed, "I love G, there's something about him, he just... He fills a hole inside me. A missing piece. Do you understand?"

Sam turned to Nate, who nodded in understanding.

He walked to the large fireplace which he had lit an hour ago when he had arrived. Taking a poker he stoked the flames as Sam sat down.

"Have you always been Bisexual Sam?" Nate asked.

Sam shook his head, "Never thought about it. In BUD/S we are trained to be there one hundred percent, for our team. This came about over the years as a natural extension of that. Sometimes we would get someone who needed more than a teammate. Michelle understood, it wasn't love. It was never love."

"Callen changed that?"

"I... I don't know." Sam shook his head and stared at the flickering flames, in the hopes they contained the answers to his questions.

"Do you love Callen?" Nate asked as he sat opposite in a high wing backed chair.

Sam stared at the flames thinking, a small smile played on his lips as he thought about Callen. Evenings they had spent, just wrapped in each other's arms. Times when he had made G lose all sense of self and watched as he had lain contented after an intense bout of lovemaking, knowing he had made his lover feel that way.

He knew now, it wasn't just about giving G what he needed, it had been love.

"I do." He simply said.

"Have you told him?"

Sam shrugged, "I have told him, I'm just not sure he believed it."

Nate smiled in understanding. "Work with me Sam, until I work with Callen, let me know how this works. Hopefully I can work with him and get you both where you need to be."

"I can't leave Michelle, I can't do it to her and the kids." Sam said.

"Do you love Michelle?"

Sam nodded, "I do... God, Nate... I've made such a mess of this!"

"Michelle is ok with you and Callen though, isn't she?"

"She is, she knows G needs this, he needs to feel safe and be touched gently. But she doesn't know that... Dammit Nate, Michelle doesn't know that I love him." Sam started pacing until his injury made it too painful for him to walk and he sat back in the chair.

"Michelle doesn't deserve this, she's been nothing but supportive of the time I spend with G. I don't know if she would be ok with me loving her and G, but I can't live without either of them."

Nate looked up as a dark jeep drove up the driveway, he hadn't expected Callen so soon, but decided he should carry on with Sam until Callen got to the house.

Sam was still staring into the fire, his mind in a turmoil, he hoped that Michelle would accept how he felt, he wasn't sure if he could live without her.

Nate looked up again, he didn't recognize the man walking towards the house, he had known that Owen Granger was employing a deprogrammer to help with Callen. He wondered if this was that man.