August 23rd

"Do as I say and it won't hurt as much," he ordered, as my heart raced. My face was so wet from all the tears that I had shed. I nodded, unable to fight any longer. I had fought all my way here, where had that gotten me? Obviously not where I had wanted to be, otherwise I wouldn't be here. I would be anywhere but here. I had tried to fight my tears, but there was clearly no use. I should have just let them flow, because now there seemed to be some build up of tears and my eyes were streaming like a waterfall. It didn't matter anyway, crying or not, I was convinced he was going to carry out this task that he was clearly oh-so-desperatley determined to do.

My stomach churned, my mind raced. Wow. This is not what I had ever imagined. I had never imagined it to be like... this. This was something that was heard about on the news and you sympathise with... You never expect it to happen to you. Although you hear about it, you never thought it was actually real and that people were actually capable of such things.

He looked at me intently, gazing into my eyes. I wanted to spit on him, but I knew that wasn't the best idea. Do as he said, remember. It will just make things easier. For both of us.

He ran his fingers down my neck and chills instantly ran through my spine. Not the good kind. Far from the good kind. My eyes became watery and my vision had become blurry, telling me a teardrop was about to fall any moment now.

I was so confused. We weren't in any type of lair or abandoned warehouse. We weren't in an alley or some type of backstreet. We was in a bedroom, in a bed. The mattress was comfortable, although not particularly in these circumstances. The wallpaper had been one that I had considered while redecorating my room. It wasn't ugly.  

The walls weren't cracked and there was no chipped paint. Nothing seemed to be broken and the wallpaper was perfectly flattened out onto the wall, no bubbles or rolls or anything.   This wasn't right. It wasn't meant to be like this. We were meant to be in some dodgy warehouse or the back of a van or something. He wasn't meant to be looking at me. He wasn't meant to be talking to me. All of this added to the situation, making me feel even more disgusting. I supposed that because the setting was normal, it was meant to make me at ease, comfortable... normal. But this wasn't the case at all. Because this wasn't normal. This wasn't right. This wasn't what I had wanted.  

I couldn't even wipe the tear that was treackling it's way down my cheek. I knitted my eyebrows together as I grew more uncomfortable. He obviously noticed this.   He sighed. "It's been such a long time..." he started and honestly, I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear a word of it. "You know, maybe you could enjoy this. It doesn't have to be this way." After I didn't reply he shrugged, making his way on top of me. I turned my face away from him. This gave him the oppurtunity to slowly place his lips on neck, kissing it gently. 

 I wanted to be sick. My stomach knotted and once again, my eyes started to burn, signalling that I was going to start crying again.   He continued to kiss me, his kisses getting lower and lower down my body. He ripped across the front of my shirt, exposing my bra. I couldn't take anymore of this.

I yanked at my arms, turning and jiggling them, trying to free them from the handcuffs that he had tied to the bed.   "Help! Help!" I blubbered, hoping that someone would hear me. I knew the chances of that were slim, but I might aswell try. "Please someone help me!" I screamed, tears now streaming down my face. I yanked my arms with all my force, praying that I would break the handcuffs. Unfortunatley, I merely even shook the bars of the bed. This didn't stop me from trying, however. I continued to try to set my hands free, desperatley yanking my hands away from the pole. I shook them, screaming in desperation. "Please!" I wailed, trying to free my feet from underneath this sleazeball. "Help!" I pleaded, less quietly as I now realised that there was clearly no use.    He sighed and got up from on top of me. My wrists ached like nothing I had ever felt before from all the yanking I had been doing and all I wanted to do was rub them.

"You done?" he asked, as he rolled his eyes and made his way to a dressing table across the room.

 "Let me go! Let me go now!" I demanded shakily, tears now flooding my face.   He took out something from a drawer and he was certain that was going to make me shut up. The blade gleamed in the sun, as he held it up.

"I didn't want it to be this way, honestly. I thought that maybe you could have some fun aswell, but you leave me no choice." He walked over to me, plopping himself back on top of me. He held the knife up to my neck, and I felt the cold metal running up and down it. I gulped.   "If you just calm down, I won't do it," he said, as he put the knife down next to me and continued to caress my neck. I sighed, knowing this was it.

His kisses made his way to my breasts and I couldn't help but flinch. He smiled smugly as he took the knife and sliced the connecting material between the cups of my black lacy bra, narrowly missing the skin underneath. I so felt helpless.  

The cups of the bra lay on top of my breast and all he did was remove them from what used to cover me, slicing any straps and any other connecting material that got in his way. He chucked them on the floor and there I lay, helpless, defenseless and bare chested.   He grinned, slowly making his way down to the most sensitive part of my breast. He kissed it, but for barely anytime.   He looked down at my shorts, that I now was seriously regretting wearing. It only took one rip of the shorts from him for them to dissappear from my legs, leaving them naked.  

He looked at my face, and almost seemed to be surpised to see the look of dread on my face. He brushed it off as he began to remove my underwear.   I couldn't take it anymore. I was determined that he was not going to have my first time. I was determined that this sleazebag wasn't going to rip my innocence away from me.  

I started to scream again. "Someone, please help me! Someone! Anyone! Help! Help me!" I shouted, while trying once again, with all my might, to free my hands from the cuffs. My wrists hurt so bad, they were so sore. I winced everytime I yanked at them, but I knew it had to be done and I knew I had no other choice. "Help me!" I screamed, tears streaming down my face. I grabbed the bars of the bed while I was still attatched to them, and shook on it. "Please!" I yelled, as I continued to attempt to shake not only the bar but my hands free.   He groaned, clearly growing angry. "I warned you!" he growled, anger evident on his face. He reached for the knife that he had left, almost teasing me, laying beside me. He knew that I wasn't able to get to it because of my tied up hands. He knew he had all of the power.  

"Now, I gave you a chance," he whispered, disgustingly close to my ear. I could feel the heat of his breath dancing around it. "I'm not one for second chances, so now you have to be punished."   He simply slashed at random points of me, the blade sometimes catching my arms, other times catching my neck and chest. The pain had not yet hit me, although I could see fresh blood making its way to the surface of my skin. He hadn't cut deep enough to critically injure me, I knew that, however I didn't know whether I was going to come out alive. At this point, I highly doubted it.   I hissed at the pain which now hit me. It was like my body was giving up on me. The pain from my wrist was now almost excrutiating and the pain from the slashes I had everywhere were soon going to become unbearable.  

I had no choice but to give in and let him have what he wanted.

August 23rd.

The day that I lost my virginity.

To a rapist.

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