fragile

I sing to him, like I have done for the last nine years. Lying in bed with our limbs entangled, I would sing to him; sing till he finally fell asleep. Sing to him, the same song, night after night.

Tonight I sing again, as I lay with my head on his chest and tears rolling down my face. I sing to the steady thumping of his heart.

He would hum along as I sang. His arm around my waist, fingers drumming to the beat. But it's different now. He doesn't hold me in his arms anymore. The pads of his calloused fingers don't drum against my skin. His warmth, far gone.

There is a chill that replaces it. Leaves me feeling lost. A lot like I was before he found me. A feeling I'm starting to get reacquainted with.

But it'll never be the same. It's hasn't been since that day. Since that day, he got in the accident. Since that day, he went into a coma.

We first met as preschoolers. He ran into me, knocking down the Lego house I had made. And the first emotion I felt for him was hatred. I hated the boy with the azure eyes, that had knocked my Lego house down.

It's Christmas eve, and I lay here next to him on the hospital bed, with his Christmas present on the bed side table. It's a box of Lego's I got for him. A memory of us that I treasure.

I can picture his reaction as he unwraps the present; he would smile, such that the dimple on his left cheek shows and his eyes would crinkle with mirth. He would laugh at the Lego's just like he did when I got him glasses on our first Christmas together. Told him I didn't want him running into any other girl or knocking down her Lego house.

He said I was the only girl he would ever want. He promised he would stay with me forever. The second promise he went back on.

The first promise he broke was the one made by the little boy with the azure eyes to build me a better Lego house than the one he had knocked down. The house he built, as sturdy as it was, wasn't better than mine. He won't accept it though.

I didn't want him to. It was how our friendship was built. We grew up arguing. It was the only way we knew to respond to the other. Through middle school, all the way to high school, he was the annoying azure eyed boy.

But it all changed junior year. He asked me to junior prom, and I said yes. I still don't understand why or how it happened but the next thing I know, I'm falling for the azure eyed boy.

The same azure eyes I long to see one last time. The eyes that haunt me yet complete me. The eyes that remain closed. Like they have for the last eight months.

It's been eight months; eight months since that day. Eight months, and I haven't heard his voice once. I haven't heard him laugh, I haven't seen him smile in eight months.

The smile he wore when he asked me to be his girlfriend. The smile he wore on our first date. The same one he had, when he got his scholarship; when we left for university together. A smile meant only for me to see.

The heart stopping smile he graced me with when I told him I got accepted to med school, and smiled again when we moved in together, a smile I will never see again.

For eight months now, I've stayed by his side, hoping he would wake up. Hoping it's was just one of his stupid pranks. Hoping to have him back.

In these months I've lived on prayers. Life, after all, is fragile. As people slowly gave up and left, I stayed, I hoped. For eight months I came back everyday, spent every possible minute with him. I put my life on pause, to be here with him, to have him with me for as long as I could. But it's time to let go.

I won't have him for much longer. Tonight is all I have. One night to spend with the boy who promised me forever. To reminiscence the lifetime of memories I had with him. To remember the love we shared.

Tonight is all that is left, for tomorrow I'm setting the both of us free. I'm giving us a shot at new life. A Christmas present of missed opportunities.

I sing to him, as the the tears continue to fall,

something always brings me back to you
it never takes too long
no matter what i say or do
i'll still feel you here 'til the moment i'm gone.

I lay a kiss on his forehead. Pushing the lock of hair away for his eyes that remain closed.

you hold me without touch.
you keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much
than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

I'll always remember the feeling of being in his arms. It was all I knew...

set me free,
leave me be.
i don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
here i am and i stand so tall, just the way i'm supposed to be.
but you're on to me and all over me.

I'll forever love him. He was home.....

oh, you loved me 'cause i'm fragile
when i thought that i was strong.
but you touch me for a little while
and all my fragile strength is gone.

He was my rock, but I've got to grow up now, stand up for myself......
I need to do this for both our sakes..

i live here on my knees
as i try to make you see
that you're everything i think i need here on the ground.

I pull away from him and get off the bed. I kiss his cheeks before walking towards the door....

but you're neither friend nor foe
though i can't seem to let you go.
the one thing that i still know is that you're keeping me down

I take one look back at him, and whisper, 'Goodnight my insomniac.'

something always brings me back to you.
it never takes too long........