Please Don't Hold my Hands || Camren

Please Don't Hold my Hands

Since then, she remembers every glance, touch, every hug and every single kiss; she remembers all.

Lauren hates everything but most of all, she hates herself for letting her go.

•

"Lauren, it's been two months," Dinah groans the second she sees Lauren holding tightly a blanket and sitting on the couch. A jar of Nutella and a spoon are resting on the armrest, and Lauren is watching an old episode of 'Friends' like she has been doing almost every day for the past weeks.

Dinah closes the door of the apartment with her foot and goes directly to the kitchen to leave the bags of groceries on the table.

She makes her way to the living room and turns off the T.V. without Lauren's permission and not saying a word. The Polynesian stands there, with both of her hands on her hips and looks at Lauren raising an eyebrow.

"You need to stop doing this to yourself," she commands in a huff.

"Doing what?" Lauren inquiries with a bored expression on her face while she is picking up at her nails and pretends to be interested in them.

"You know what, Lauren," Dinah barks, already running out of patience. "Don't play dumb with me," she says sitting down beside her roommate. "What the hell even happened, Laur?" Dinah asks after a moment, her voice softening considerably once she sees Lauren's expression change. "Please talk to me," she whispers reaching out her hand to take one of Lauren's.

"I'm sure you know what happened by now," Lauren replies, voice wavering slightly and with her eyes dancing with sadness.

"No, Lauren, I don't know what happened," Dinah denies, closes her eyes and sighs. "She doesn't want to talk about it either," and with those words, Lauren raises her gaze to look at best friend.

Up until now, the only person besides Camila that has been occupying her mind was herself and now that she's actually taking the time to acknowledge that there are other people on the planet, Lauren can easily see that Dinah looks tired; there are light bags under her eyes, and there is a frown on her face that has not disappeared since the day she decided to let Camila go.

Up until now, Lauren has been so focused on her own feelings that she ignored the only person that has been there for her through thin and thick.

"Really?" Lauren can't help the word leaving her mouth. Since Dinah didn't ask her right away what happened, she assumed that Camila told her the other side of the story.

A part of Lauren is grateful that Camila didn't tell Dinah what happened but the other part wants Dinah to ask Camila, to know what she has been feeling and maybe even defend herself.

Not like she did something wrong. But yeah, maybe she did.

"Not even a word," Dinah confirms, opening her dark brown eyes to lock them on the green ones of her best friend. "I need to know what happened, Lauren. That way I can try to help you to move on," she says rubbing her thumb across Lauren's delicate fingers.

The thing is that Lauren doesn't know yet if she wants to move on. She does want to stop feeling this way, though. She wants to stop crying herself to sleep, she wants to stop the weight tugging down on her heart, she wants to stop feeling so negative about everything around her and she just wants to feel something sparking inside of her again.

So she tells Dinah her side of the story. She tells Dinah how scared she was of falling in love, she tells her how overwhelmed she was with all the feelings she had for Camila. She tells Dinah that she thought that she wasn't enough for someone as beautiful and smart as the brown-eyed girl and the fact that they didn't even make it official was proof enough of that.