Something Like Fate (editing)

Chapter 8 - They Weren't Ross and Rachel Circa 1998

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry," he said in a low voice while I had to strain my ears to hear him. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"But you did," I stated as I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I really did like you but I needed some release and you weren't willing to take care of my needs."

"So you cheated because I wouldn't sleep with you?" I asked seething with anger. "That's bloody pathetic! Stay single or stay faithful, Harry. It's not a hard concept to grasp!"

"I could only take so many cold showers!" he exclaimed in defence. I could see a few students staring at us but I didn't give a damn.

"Then you should have talked to me about it or ended it! If you really cared then you wouldn't have minded your right hand becoming your best friend again."

"All I wanted to do was show you how much I cared but a guy can only hear no so many times," he said staring down at me with no amusement on his face.

I felt my face heat up from both anger and embarrassment. "If you wanted to show how much you cared then you wouldn't have pressured me. You wouldn't have tried to make me feel guilty because I didn't want to sleep with you. How do you think I felt every time I said no and you refused to look at me or even speak? I thought we had a connection!"

"Connection?" he scoffed as I winced at his harsh tone. "You went on about things I really didn't care about. Newsflash: no-one really gives a toss about sexism in advertising or whether some freaking Republican senator is crazy! We don't even live in America! And when we went out you wouldn't let me pay, you always told my friends off for talking about girls in a 'negative way' and you wouldn't go past second base. Why would I want to be with someone as uptight as you, Sophia? You're a control freak."

I could feel myself about to cry and it look everything I had to keep the tears at bay. I could see the realisation hit him like someone had whacked him over the head with a bat as he stared into my tearing eyes. That out of all the horrible things that we had said and done to each other, Harry crossed a line that he hadn't even had known existed.

His words cut like glass and his intense stare caused me to take a step back. I put a hand through my unruly hair, and told myself to get my act together. It meant nothing, Harry's words. I spent so much of my life listening to people telling me that I was too caught up in my world or there was something wrong with me, but they were just words. But even then, standing outside of my class with Harry with my tears leaking out, I could still hear his words playing in my head, now etched into my heart and memory forever. You're a control freak. You're a control freak. Why would I want to be with someone as uptight as you, Sophia?

I tried to remember what my mother had always said when I used to go to her with boy problems, back I didn't feel awkward discussing the finer points of my love life. I'm going to tell you about the boy who doesn't need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting as you are, she'd say while taking my hand into her own with a dazed expression on her face, as if one day I would truly understand what love meant. Her words provided me little comfort as I looked at the boy who thought I was anything but interesting. What a boy. What a screwed up relationship.

We stood there, looking at each other, saying nothing. But it was a silence that spoke volumes. Looking into his eyes I could see no affection that I thought I once saw, no indication that there had ever been anything between us. I could feel something inside me break as I looked to the first boy I ever let myself care about, the first boy I kissed and the first boy I foolishly trusted. Memories flooded back to taunt me as I bit my lower lip to stop screaming out in frustration and annoyance at myself and him.