I remember really wanting to stay in bed that morning. Leaving my room was literally the last thing I wanted to do but I had an extremely important test to take. As a high school student preparing to go to University you can guess what exam it was: the SAT.
Now don't get me wrong. I was prepared to ace the shit out of that test. Being the overly prepared person that I am, I had taken prep courses and plenty of practice tests online.
I got ready in the usual fashion. I showered and made sure my short curly hair was well conditioned and fluffy as ever. Then I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and threw on a crisp red collared polo shirt, my favorite black jeans, and my black penny loafers. After applying my signature red lipstick I made my way downstairs to see my favorite person.
"Hey grandma, good morning" I greeted her with a hug.
"Gimme some suga honey" she replied as she tapped her cheek.
I smiled and did as she asked. I loved my grandma's accent because it was so comforting. Even after she moved to California when she was younger she never tried to conceal it. The way her words sounded slow and sweet reminded me of being back home in Alabama. I never wanted to leave but I just couldn't handle living with my mom anymore.
I loved my mom more than life but seeing her so sick... being unable to help her.. Well it made me sick. No young person should have to watch their parent be destroyed by mental illness. Being incapable of helping her tore me up and I started to hate myself because of it. She would take her illness out on me too and though she apologized the sting of her words couldn't be forgotten. I knew she was just sick but a person can only be shitted on for so long disease or not.
The fact that our money was often funny because of the impulsiveness that was part of the disease was just the icing on top of the fucked up cake that was my life. I just hoped one day she would understand why I left and stop hating me for it. I knew however that the chances of that were quite slim.
After eating grits and eggs I told my grandma I loved her, grabbed my purse, and headed to the testing site.
