The Weight of Water

Witnessing death can affect you in all different ways. Some become depressed, others try to live spontaneously. And some don't change at all. For quite awhile I thought I fell into the 3rd category. It wasn't until years after that I saw just how much it actually affected me.

At 12 years old I had already been through three loved ones passings. The summer after 6th grade I would go through it again but with someone I didn't , and now never would, know.

Sitting through a long car ride squished next to my best friend in 90 degree heat was what I expected to be the worst part of going to the Poconos with my mom and her friends family. But the true horror didn't happen until the part of the trip I was most excited for. Two days after we had arrived at the small wooden cabin we were preparing to go to Knobles, a water and amusement park.

" I wish my mom would let me wear a bikini." I said to Dimi as we stuffed our bags with towels and water bottles.
"I don't get why yours thinks it's a big deal. It's not like we have anything to show yet anyway " She shrugged
"I think I'm the only one in our grade who still wears tankinis. I look like such a baby." I spat out in disgust.
" No one cares what you look like Paige. It's just going to be a bunch of strangers."
" I wouldn't expect you to get it. After all you think it's okay to wear a butterfly skirt with a striped shirt." I told her remembering that awful outfit choice.
"The butterflies were the same color as the stripes though!" She defended.
Before I could tell her no it did not and never would my mom called for us to get in the car. "Don't forget your d.s!" Dimi called to me.

The cool weather made no difference to us as we raced to jump in  the freezing pool.
"Let's go off the diving board. I'll race you there!"
"You're on!"
Though I loved it swimming was definitely never my strong suit. This was evident by the time I got there. She was sitting on the edge already. We quickly got into the line for the diving board and watch people hurl themselves toward the water below.
With each step I took toward the ladder it seemed to grow higher and higher. It seemed impossible that you could survive that fall. Would I? Only a lunatic would do this. And I was no lunatic. I watched a small blonde boy run toward the deep end and fearlessly leap in. He was half my age, so if he could do that, than surely I could jump off a diving board.

"You're up kid" fear seized me as I realized it was me the lifeguard was talking to.
And suddenly there was no escape, if I walked away now I'd look like a wimp!
So I climbed up the ladder. When I reached the the top I took a moment to look around.The boy who I saw before was now swimming at the bottom of the pool. With all the courage I could muster up, I ran and jumped. I plunged into the water. When I surfaced I looked up to see Dimi screaming on her way down. After a big splash landing we swam to edge and sat laughing with me over how ridiculous we must of looked.

It was then when we heard the shout and saw the some one jump in the pool. There was a moment of silence as everyone held their breath preparing themselves for what they were about to see when the life guard jumped in the pool.. The few seconds it took for him to emerge felt like an eternity.When he did he brought a young boy with, limp in his arms. Shouts and screams rang out as he was laid on the ground. I couldn't hear anything though. Not when they struggled to find a heartbeat. When they gave him cpr. Or even when they stuck some tube down his throat to get the water out. All I could do was see. See a small boy fearlessly jump into the deep end. See a young blonde boy swimming at the bottom of the pool. No, not swimming. Drowning. See his open lifeless eyes. See him be taken away, paramedics frantically work over him.
Then it was quiet. Everyone just stood and stared where he was moments ago. People were being cleared from the pool, shock on their faces.
I soon forgot all about the boy who drowned that day. deciding he probably lived and was fine now. It wasn't important to me than. Or at least I didn't think it was.

For the next 3 years or so I didn't swim. For awhile actually I wouldn't even go near a pool. At the time I thought nothing of it, figuring I just lost interest in something I once loved. It wasn't until I stepped into a pool years later that it all came back to me. When I did I got out and just sat there staring at the pool wondering how I could have forgotten something like that. The events of that day. For months after that I had nightmares of him. After one particularly awful dream of him woke me up, I googled it. I read about him, learned his name, what his life was like, and that he did die that day. Plagued with guilt and sorrow I called Dimi asking her what she thought of that day. She had long since forgotten it though. She said that day was just a distant memory.
But it soon consumed me. All I could think of was what if? What if he got yelled at for running and didn't go to the deep end. What if his parents had been paying closer attention.
What if I had said something. 

Every day When I got home from school I would head straight for the computer. I learned his name and read article after article about him. About Drowning. About how it feels to drown. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why this little boy died. How it was possible that someone could just drown in a pool full of people, without anyone knowing. I wondered how may others did see, and like me, said nothing.

It took me a long time to come to terms with what I had seen. I know I'll never forget, I still get nervous seeing kids in a pool, thinking of him. I don't know what I believe in, if there is an afterlife or not. But I hope, where ever he is, that hes at peace.

The young boy's name was George S. Robert lll. He was 6 years old.