speedy.

ten.

« i hurt your brother as well, don't you mind, don't you mind / oh i was thinking about killing myself, don't you mind / i love you, don't you mind, don't you mind »
me ;; the 1975

I was restless. At that time, I was regretting ever thinking about Pietro. Then once that popped into my mind, I hated myself because Pietro is one of the best things to happen to me. It felt like I had to choose between my best friend and the man that I might possibly love. I need both of them in my life.

I had never thought of Steve as more than a friend. He was undeniably attractive, and a loyal and honorable guy, but he wasn't seen as a boyfriend to me. Maybe at first, if he had gone for it and swooped me off my feet, then maybe he could've won me over. Is that how love works?

I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore. I needed Steve, but he can't sit around and pretend to be my friend when he sees me as a lover. I can't ask that of him.

I wish I had met Bucky. Maybe I could get some help from him. From what I've seen in Steve's memories, Bucky was his best friend (that he just recently found out was alive). I also know, by reading his mind once, that I'm just as important to him as Bucky.

I felt like I had let Steve down.

Being a disappointment to someone is something that I can barely stand. It's one of the things that I hate about myself. At one point or another, I always end up disappointing someone. I don't understand why I can't get anything right. It's frustrating to me when I watch everything around me fall apart because of some petty thing I did. I hate seeing the judgment in my friends' eyes. I hate feeling useless.

If I had done something different, then maybe I could still have Steve and Pietro. Except now, I'm not sure which person I need more.

The cafeteria was empty. My mind was lost as I watched my food spin around inside the microwave.

"I'm afraid burritos don't do flips."

The voice was familiar, but the body that controlled it was not. I glanced to my left to see Vision, his golden cape gone to give him an attempt in casual attire.

"I'm not looking for entertainment," I sighed, looking back at the burrito. "I'm looking for a distraction."

"Distractions aren't always ideal," he informed, crossing his arms over his chest as he walked into the room further.

"Yeah, well, nothing I do is," I grumbled, pulling my meal out after the loud ding notified me that my burrito was ready.

"I saw what happened with Mister Rogers," Vision said after a while of watching me stuff my face.

"Hope you enjoyed the show." I'm never this cold to anyone, but I honestly didn't want to be around people. I was ready to sulk in my bedroom for the remainder of the day. However, I could already tell that Vision was going to do something that would prevent me from doing so.

"Avoiding the issue isn't going to solve anything, you know," he said pointedly. "You need to talk to both Steve and Pietro."

"Yeah?" I swallowed the rest of my food, throwing my plastic plate in the garbage before turning to the android. "And what do you suggest that I say?"

"I suggest that you say what you think," Vision replied. "Tell Steve and Pietro how you feel. Do what you think is best."