When My Life Changed

Chapter Twelve

“Don’t go,” he whispers.

“It’s what’s best,” I reply. Slowly, painfully, I turn around and walk away. I don’t look back.

A tear drops from my eyes onto the ground. I can’t escape a sudden depressing feeling that’s taken reign in the pit of my stomach. I was the one to walk away. I was the one that didn’t look back…

…and he was the one who didn’t come after me.

…

One day. That’s all the time I’ve had before I bump into him again. It’s the end of the day and I’m late to my locker. The teacher speaks to me after the class is over about sleeping in class. I had announced over and over again that I had a headache, but she won’t believe me.

So I walk up to my locker and start twirling the dial to put in the combination. I stop myself from jumping when I notice Jake’s tall figure leaning against the locker opposite me. Rather than talking to him, which I so want to do, I ignore him. After a moment of silence, he speaks.

“Did someone put you up to it?” he asks.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I skirt the question.

“Don’t play the innocent with me. We were getting on too well for you to just stop.”

“Jake, I told you, I’m a poison. I’m not good for you,” I speak slowly to let the words sink in.

“No,” he said. “I refuse to accept it.” He moves closer towards me.

“Just go, Jake,” I command.

“Lavina, please. Just listen,” he looks into my eyes. I can see yellow flecks of colour in his eyes, he’s so close. I’ve read in many places that the eyes are the windows to the soul. As I look in his gold eyes, I almost believe that this could be true.

“Okay,” I whisper.

“Look…I like you. And more than a friend…”

“Just stop, okay. Look,” I say with a sigh. “You’re a nice guy, but I’ve already been down this road. And I got hurt,” I say, turning away.

“Lavina, I know all about that. Benji should never have done that to you.”

“I never told you who it was!” I looked at him. I could feel liquid betrayal oozing from his body. “So what? You’ve decided to stalk me now?” I hate this. I hate shouting at him. I don’t want to – I want him to be the one yelling so that I’ll have a reason to walk away.

“No,” he sighs. “He’s my cousin. Well, my sister’s cousin actually. I’m only her half-brother.”

“So, what? You’ve had him feed out information to you about me? You creep!” I start running. I’m tearing and sobbing. I don’t want to end it like this, but he’s left me no other option. How could he say that? He was the only one I’d told about how it had hurt me when Benji asked me out then dumped me.

My eyes are so blurry that I don’t see Francis until I bump into her.

“Oh, Francis, I’m so sorry!” I’m already so distraught that I suddenly burst into tears. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I repeat.

She looks at me for a moment, wondering what to do, before she embraces me.

“Tell me what the matter is,” she says softly while still holding onto me.

“Everything! Everything’s the matter!” I exclaim. “First you and Madallin abandon me, then I become friends with one of the nicest guys in the world. Then I decide to stop talking to him so that I won’t hurt him. Because everyone around me either gets hurt or they hurt me!”

“Oh, Lavina… I am so, so sorry,” Francis apologises. “I should never have done that to you. I should have just told you what the problem was rather than running away from it.”

“And now he just told me that he likes me!” I choke. “And I still don’t know why you hate me!”

Francis starts heading me towards the girl’s bathroom, patting my back and mumbling that she was wrong. She unravels a whole heap of toilet-paper and wets it under the tap. She wipes my face and talks slowly and quietly while she pats my face.

“Do you have a bus?” she asks quietly

“Yes!” I shriek. I spin around and pick up my bag. “I’m sorry, I have to go,” I call behind my shoulder as I run to the bus area.

As it turns out my bus has only just closed the door and is driving away. I wildly wave my hands around for a frantic moment and, to my relief, it stops and allows me to get on. Jeff, the bus-driver, simply comments on how lucky I am. Carol glares at me from her seat down the back. I instantly avert my eyes and avoid the stares from all of the primary school kids.

When I sit down I put my hand to my face. It comes away wet. With a sudden feeling of embarrassment I realise that I didn’t even wipe my face before I left the lavatories.

Only I could do something like that.