Dear Mama

chapter one

Chapter one

I don't know how it started, I just know it started when Miss davis decided it was ok to let us bring our English journals home that was when I changed my English journal to my diary..it was simple black and white notebook ..
Of course ya girl had to throw in her own personal touches on front of cover of it with drawings and pictures with white tape I had to get creative. They knew for sure who notebook it was with all my scribbles on it.
I didn't know having a diary would be the biggest mistake of my life ..having a diary is suppose to be fun and nobody not even your baby brother is suppose to read it..see having a journal was easy all you did was write whatever that was in your head onto the pages..it's like brainstorm having a diary help you when you was sad or happy.mayb there was times you got your heart broken you needed to write it down or time you wanted to smack a girl calling u fat or your brothers get u mad touching your stuff yep u write that all in the journal ..Most of the time a diary is suppose to be safe spot for a girl to express your thoughts can't nobody judge you bc u thought the boy who sat next to you on the bus stink or how the lunch lady always curse under her breath when kids ask her for extra or second in the cateria it's your secret and only you know what in it ...soo know you want to know why it's biggest mistake for me to have it because my mom found out i have one ..i wrote about bunch of stuff but 4 things she care about ruin my life forever ..actually i lied it wasn't the fact she found out i was dating this boy name Devon ..or the fact we had sex for the first time in his apartment nope that wasn't the issue ....

The issue was well i can't tell you yet but i should had been smart enough to put a key on it or keep it in Mrs Davis classroom no one told my ass to bring it home we allow to write whatever we wanted but we just couldn't bring it home because Mrs Davis wanted to us to get creative and not feel like regular classroom assignment but i through my diary was safe . it was safe all this time i usually hide it under my bed mattress so how did it get found if supposedly , it was tuck away underneath my bed in Nike shoe box with the family pictures.it was until my lil brother gave away my secret .
Well I thought he did.
" what are you doing in my stuff"!! I yell at him he had everything out from undereath my bed .all over the place including my sneakers shoes.my bowling ball.my picture box my family pictures was scatter everywhere ..then it hit where was my journal I leap toward him he rushes out the way looking frighten or making facial expression how 8 year old look once thy got into trouble what thy wasn't suppose to do..He didn't say nothing bc I was slammed all the pictures back into the Nike box .." where is my journal?I ask in demanding voice it wasn't under the bed around it or on top or even in the Nike box where it was suppose to be .." it's in mommy room.mommy has it..jambalaya why was you touching my stuff I can't never leave my room without you touching my stuff.." sorry , in guilty but I didn't do it voice I iii wanted to know why u kept hiding that book .like it's a secret ..get out get out my room I scream..then he walk but turn back.." portia I swear I didn't make the mess mommy did and your in big trouble cuz she read it ..all of it i slammed the door on him I waited until he was gone clear site I hated having little brothers sometimes not always I did believe him though I sated on the floor trying to organized the mess that was all over my bedroom floor I thought what he was doing with that Camera he always carried it whenever he goes why was he in my room in my stuff I hated nosey people including family members I texted him come here for quick second
He texted me back are you going to be mad at me I didn't touch your stuff
Okay just come here
Don't be mean
Mama wasn't home either was my older brother just me and my little brother he came back I'm sorry Portia he said I'm going to give you 5 minutes to tell me what you doing in my room I hide my camera from my brother in your closet when I got home from school your room was already a mess mama was talking to her sisters about some notebook you had girl you should had a lock on it but she read some things she very upset it's in her room she didn't read it all because you know our aunts was here playing spades at the table they was smoking and drinking okay so why was you under my bed because he said you had some snacks I was trying to take you know mama hates us in her kitchen all the time I smiled ok fat boy
Who's Devon
My boyfriend
Yeah mama knows about him girl your in trouble
Ain't to young to have boyfriends
Jeremiah your not my boyfriend to be telling me what to do he laughed woman is crazy
What you doing with that camera I yelled after him
A school project he said
He walked away into his bedroom mama texted to stay at the house she wasn't coming home tonite that our big brother would have to bring us something to eat once he got inside
Again I said okay
I texted my older brother mama said you gotta bring food home tonite bring McDonald's or pizza
she was gone for 3 days in a row is always like this she don't work we live in housing
So why she always gone out somewhere talking about her kids are older enough we can watch eachother
I'm 16 my younger brother is 8 and my older brother he's 19 he goes to college stills lives at home and got part time job his name is Jevon
He got a girlfriend too that be coming here as well
I got a text from my brother
I got some shit from cvs you got to take mama made me buy it be at crib in 15 minutes —- (more like 6hours later) my girl is coming over she cooking tonite
Okay I said I still need McDonald's
I hated his girlfriend cooking
Mama can cook good and 1 can cook good her not so much
He texted back
Immma just get it I don't need pink eye for saying no
Huh what that supposed to mean
He talking in funny language I texted cool just get it I'm starving!
We lived in melrose courtland projects south bronx on 7 floor.
What the hell was my brother was talking bout
You better not be doing nothing to crazy he send me I text back -we not ... he send a emoji
We exchange few more messages but ended it at
See you 4 hours after I get out of work
Okay you said  In 15 minutes
"You know how black folks are around the corner or 15 minutes is not exactly what you think or I'm on my way I learn that hard way few times."
"I know I said. "but I'm starving !