Finding Me, A Jian Story | COMPLETE

Back To Normal.. ?

I wiped the spit he left on my face off, pretending to be disgusted in case he was watching. In reality, my cheek burned, and not because of the embarrassment that expresses itself as redness on my face.

It felt like someone just shocked me with a shock collar on level 6, but in the best way possible.

Kian quickly limped out of the kitchen, seemingly in a rush for something. He threw a bag of salt and vinegar chips at me, my favorite. He took his own Doritos and flipped on the couch turning on Netflix.

"LET'S WATCH THE CHOSEN!" He screamed joyfully.

*** SCENE CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ANY OF THE CRAZY PEOPLE THAT HAVEN'T WATCHED THE CHOSEN YET. (I mean, cmon, it's on Netflix. You have no excuse.) *****

"But I basically know everything that happens because of your loud mouth." I whined, shoveling chips into my mouth quickly. Real attractive, Jc.

*** I'M WARNING YOU IF YOU READ THE NEXT LINE IT'LL SPOIL THE WHOLE MOVIE!******

"I mean, I already know that you die." I said as casually as possible while I ate my chips at a decent speed, but still somewhat normally for me. This hiding my feelings and trying to be attractive to your best friend at the same time bullshit is hard.

"Shhh.." Kian somehow screamed a phrase that was meant to shut people up in the nicest of ways. I rolled my eyes.

****** OKIE PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T WATCHED CHOSEN YET- YOU CAN READ NOW*******

I didn't argue when the movie came on. I put away my chips in case it annoyed Kian, though, something I wouldn't do if I didn't like him. He gave me a strange look when I put them down a few minutes into the movie, but didn't stop shoving his down his throat obnoxiously.

That right there should tell you that he doesn't like you like that. Just give up, he's as straight as Jenn's hair in 2014.

But then I got to wondering if Kian would stop eating if he liked me. He's eaten like a pig in front of Andrea before. Would he be different if he were dating me? I mean, I'm pretty laid back but I wouldn't want to be getting up close and personal with my crush when I have nacho breath and sticky fingers.

I heard the toilet flush and Kian walk out, sticky fingerless and fresh breathed.

That's more like it.

He sat down, curled up with a blanket. I didn't have one so I just hugged my knees to my chest. It wasn't that cold.

Why don't you and Kian share a blanket? That's the first step to cuddling, which is the first step to kissing, and then before you know it, he'll be in your bed and we both know you want that-

I shook my head and shivered. Those thoughts could keep me up at night but could not invade my Netflix time with Kian.

"You cold?" Kian looked worried, he probably saw me shivering.

Before I could answer, he was cuddled up to me. I stretched out on my back, my legs reaching to the other end of the couch, but Kian just layed on my chest and snuggled up to me, his face never leaving the screen.

I tentatively wrapped my arm around his back, and to me relief he snuggled into it. My heart bursted with happiness as I let out a sigh of content. If only this could be every night.

---

Eventually the scene with Kian and his "girlfriend" came up. She started kissing him slowly and climbed atop of him. I looked down at myself.

I can't do that to Kian.

I'm too heavy. I'm not a girl. Kian doesn't want muscular me on top of him. I'd squash him.

My eyes started to burn, but I couldn't cry here, where Kian was snuggled up to me watching a movie. I didn't want to move because I'm afraid he won't take this position after I get back.

I stiffened and sniffed quietly, so that Kian couldn't hear me.

But apparently he did.

He rolled of my chest after it tensed up, and hit the back of the couch. He looked at me with an amused expression but it changed quickly when he saw my sadder one.

My eyes burned more but I willed the tears not to fall.

Of course my eyes betrayed me, like most things lately.

The tears rolled down my cheek; only two that were fat and sticky. I wiped them away, hoping that Kian didn't see my momentary break down.

Of course he did.

"Hey, hey, what's up?" He asked softly, crawling up my chest and looking at me. He leaned even closer, and I swear he was going to kiss me- he has that look in his eye.

But no.

He merely reached over me and turned the light on above my head. Disappointment stung my throat and stomach, making me want to cry even more.

"Jc.." He inspected my face and prodded with his hands, like he was blind trying to feel for what it looked like.

Well, he was pretty much blind when it came to reading emotions.

"Well if you'd stop fucking poking me.." I swatted his hands away and wiped my eyes again. They stung when I tried to close them.

Great, now my nose was stuffy and I couldn't breathe.

Yup, a stuffy nose is real attractive, Jc.

I chuckled to myself and wiped away more tears. Kian gave me a strange look from his spot on top of my chest. Anyone who walked in would assume we were.. Yeah.

"I'm so confused right now." Kian groaned, which made me laugh harder.

"You wouldn't get it." I said between laughs. Kian frowned.

"What do you mean?"

I wiped away the last of my tears and offered a sad smile. "You've never been in love with someone who could never love you back."

Kian's frown doubled in size and he turned the light off and snuggled into me again.

I heard him murmur something that was so quiet I wasn't even sure he actually said it:

"You have no idea."

•••

Okay, sorry it's so short, but I'm updating again this weekend, so that one will be longer. I just wanted to update for 300 reads.

Again, thanks for that.

So, does Kian like Jc back? Well, duh.

Next chapter will be in Kian's Pov.

I have another story called "Dead End: A Jian Story" read it if you like how I write, I guess.

See you tomorrow or Sunday,

-ColorMeJian

I also need a new cover if anyone's bored- I have my old username on this one.