Brøkëñ Líês (Completed)

The Upcomming Storm

I was always a stubborn kid. I was happy, always smiling and I had fun. All that changed when I became a teen. I no longer had fun and I no longer laughed with anyone. I was obsessed with my body image and how I looked. I became my own enemy. I was killing myself.

It all started when I was told that I was fat. Yeah I knew I was, but I didnt let that bother me. From hearing it so many times after that one day, I became so self conscious. My life sucked. I had a loving mother, yeah. I had food and clothing, but I hated her boyfriend so freaking much. Promises were made that he would leave soon, but I didnt believe it; it's not the first time i've heard that before. I also thought that if I couldn't control anything else in my life, I might as well control the disgusting stuff i put into my body.

The first couple days were the hardest for me. I was tempted so many times. Food and its smell. It smelt so damn good, but i knew I would regret it, so I didnt dare put it in my mouth. I touched it and smelt it, but I just couldnt eat it... Not ever.

At school, I withdrew myself from my friends because they were asking questions I did not have answers to. They didn't care anyway. They just pretended.

One Thursday morning, I was at school. I felt like total shit. I didn't know why, but i did. I was confused. I entered the girls bathroom and walked into a stall. I slowly sat there and felt the ice cold silver metal make its way into my skin. I said nothing; just gazed. Not having any knowledge about the blood accidentally making its way on my school shirt, I exited the bathroom.

My cousin walked up to me. "Chelsey what happened to your shirt?" she asked, her eyes widening in such shock. "Huh?" I asked, unaware of the question. "What happened to your shirt?" She says again, pointing to the stained area on my t-shirt. 'Shit, shit, shit'. That was all that was running through my head at the moment. "Nothing. I dont know" I said, rolling up my sleeve to hide the blood stains.

A few minutes later, a group of her friends walked up to me. "Chelsey whats wrong with you?". Thats all they kept asking. A teacher came looking for me. From the stairway she called. "Chelsey, Chelsey come please!" 'Fuck!' My mind was exploding. I couldnt stop this from happening. I was stuck in clouds and there was no way of escsping one as dark as it was.

I escaped the teacher and hid in a room inside a classroom. Many teachers were searching for me. I guess the only time I was important was when I was in total shit right?
  
Pfft, they found me at some point. My whole entire world collapsed, leaving me crushed under the remainnings of the broken, shattered sharp pieces of glass. I was bleeding.
  
"Whats going on with you Chelsey?" I was in the principals office at this point. No more hiding for me. I shook my head. "Nothing miss" I said, wiping away the millions of tear drops which was running down my cheeks, away. "What happened this morning?" She asked. Her not so tall, thick body comparing with mine as she stood up next to me. "Please sit" she stated, leading me to a chair. "You can talk to me" was her statement as she sat down in her large chair, which didnt swallow her; she swallowed it. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to know what triggered such behavior." Silence. I didn't speak. It was like all her words were going in through one ear and coming out the other.

'God you're so worthless!' She was talking to me again. That voice inside my head. The one I have had for so long, I had officially given a name to: 'Jezebel'
  
Another teacher walked in. One who passed me straight every morning without even saying 'Good morning'. I didnt mind her being in here. The thing that got me totally brain messed up was when i heard her say to the principal. "Maybe she wants attention and she's not getting it." What the fuck! God damn it! Is that what everyone thinks?! That i'm doing this for attention? If i wanted attention I would have just asked for it. My mom would not really have time, but I'm sure she would listen.
  
I sat there for so long and they still acted like I was out the office or something. 'Gosh, I'm right here!' I kept screaming that inside my head until I felt like it was ready to explode.
 
'1...2...3' I gave up. I couldnt hold it in anymore. They ran down my cheeks with warmth. My vision blurred and a salty taste was left on my lips. I was crying.  I wiped them away quickly so that no one would notice. No one did.