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THE TWELVE DAYS OF THE ZODIAC SIGNS


ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY ARIES GAVE TO ME

A cherry bomb on my doorstep.

ON THE SECOND DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TAURUS GAVE TO ME

Two nasty glares and one stubborn streak.

ON THE THIRD DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY GEMINI GAVE TO ME

Three (hundred) open tabs, two chemical experiments, and one debate.

ON THE FOURTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY CANCER GAVE TO ME

Four empty boxes of tissues, three boxes of cookies, two personalities, and one I Heart Mom tattoo.

ON THE FIFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY LEO GAVE TO ME

Five temper tantrums, four purrs, three whines, two cuddles, and one big argument.

ON THE SIXTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY VIRGO GAVE TO ME

Six cleaning wipes, five nags, four diet plans, three bottles of bleach, two garbage bags, and one toilet scrubber.

ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY LIBRA GAVE TO ME

Seven changed minds, six bathroom breaks, five credit card bills, four designer brands, three drunk texts, two lovers, and one broken heart.

ON THE EIGHTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY SCORPIO GAVE TO ME

Eight death threats, seven pocket knives, six questionable website links, five craigslist ads, four disposable phones, three encryption codes, two broken bones, and one wild night.

ON THE NINTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY SAGITTARIUS GAVE TO ME

Nine spider species, eight drunken stupors, seven bank robberies, six albums of The Doors, five philosophical quotes, four arsons, three existential crises, two tears, and one stupid smile.

ON THE TENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY CAPRICORN GAVE TO ME

Ten to-do lists, nine screams, eight coupons, seven chores, six bouts of passive aggressiveness, five silent treatments, four sarcastic remarks, three sneers, two eye rolls, and one migraine

ON THE ELEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY AQUARIUS GAVE TO ME

Eleven conspiracy theories, ten questionable tattoos, nine mind games, eight robotic expressions, seven fake feelings, six unfinished projects, five invention ideas, four lab coats, three feelings, two cryptic texts, and one brutally honest statement.

ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY PISCES GAVE TO ME

Twelve prescription drugs, eleven glitter bottles, ten personal issues, nine booty calls, eight dead plants, seven knitted blankets, six odd fantasies, five "it's not my fault!", four stolen necklaces, three therapists, two art projects, and one true friend.


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