A Year Agreement (PUBLISHED!)

Chapter 35...

"Yes I am...mother." I could see the question of how on the tip of her tongue. "I knew the moment I saw you at the Gala a few weeks ago." A flash of guilt ran through her eyes. Yes she better feel guilty for not recognizing me.

"I am so sorry Jenna. I know you don't believe me but I had a good reason."

"A good reason?" I laughed out loud at that one. "A good reason such as leaving me to live a better life for yourself? For not taking me with you?"

"I-"

"No you don't have a good reason for leaving me when I was just 5 years old on a curb. Whatever fucked up reason you think you have is not one." I growled out trying hard not to yell. Everything I have ever wanted to say to her was waiting to burst free. After 14 years I was finally talking to my so called mother. "You do not leave your 5 year old daughter just so you can be with a guy. How fucked up are you!?"

"I didn't leave you for a guy." Karen said. I was done referring to her as my mother.

"I am not stupid. I know you left because you fell in love with Martin Brotherson. All these years I thought you left because you had to, that you would actually have a good enough reason but you don't. Because you fell in love with some guy is not good enough to make me forgive you." I was beyond caring that my words hurt her. I wanted her to know just how I felt when she left and how I still feel.

"I did not meant to fall for him Jenna. It just happened. I was a 23 year old with a 5 year old daughter not knowing what to do. I was stupid and made the worst decision of my life. The decision of giving you up has haunted me ever since."

"Not enough to make you try and find me. You left me to rot in an orphanage. Because of you I had no one. No one to come home to, no one to tell things, nothing. I was 5 when you left me and the entire time I thought it was my fault. I thought I had been bad and that it was my punishment by being alone. For years I wished you would return to get me. If I had known who much of a coward you are I wouldn't have wasted my time."

"Jenna don't be like that."

"No! You have no right to say my name or tell me how I should feel. You lost that right the moment you dropped me off." I clenched my jaw trying to hold back all the anger and hurt I felt. I had so many mixed emotions right now I didn't really know what to feel other than anger. It all consuming.

"Don't act like you are the only victim here." She suddenly snapped at me. My eyes widened. "I felt just as bad leaving you and for years wanted to find you but I figured that since you had a good family by now I shouldn't."

"That I am not the only victim?" I seethed. "You are not the victim here Karen. You made the choose and that is your burden alone. Your decision was about me so I have every right to be the victim."

"And you are beyond stupid for thinking that a family adopted me. I grew up in a home with 5 other children. I grew up with no one caring what I did, how I felt, what happened to me. The moment I graduated I left and had to fend for myself. For the past 3 years I have worked shitty jobs, lived in a shitty neighborhood and apartment just to make ends met. I barely made enough to eat some days so yes Mother I am the only victim here."

"I...I had no idea." She muttered softly.

"No you didn't because you are a selfish. You never once thought of my happiness. You thought that I would be better off without you when in reality I would have been better with you. You were everything I had, you were my fucking idol." A lone tear decided to make its way down my cheek. "You know I wanted to be just like you, now I hope I never will be."

We stood there silently, my words sinking in. I wanted her to feel bad, in fact I wanted her to feel absolutely terrible. I know that is not right but I didn't care. I had no feeling towards her anymore. The idea that I would be happy seeing her after so many years was completely and utterly gone. In its place was hurt, anger, and realization. Realization that I didn't need her, I never did. She did not deserve to have me as a daughter.