“How much would you pay to have sex with Zac Efron?” Louis asked, tilting his head as he examined said actor on the TV screen. Harry’s body, pressed right up against his angled slightly in his direction as he stared curiously at Louis.
“Pardon?” Harry asked, lifting an inquisitive eyebrow. They were cuddled up on the floor of Harry’s apartment in front of the TV spending some much needed time together. Harry had returned from America only a few days previously.
The end of the tour had been tense – Harry had reluctantly confirmed to a radio station that he did have a boyfriend and he was bisexual, but had refused to talk anymore about who he was actually dating. Many people, the majority being the gay-until-proven-straight group of One Direction’s fans, believed that he was going out with one of the other band members, which was something that provided endless amusement to Niall, Zayn and Liam.
The first night Harry had returned from America, he had stumbled through the door of his apartment to the very welcoming sight of a beaming Louis, and they had spent every moment since in each other’s company, watching crappy TV, eating take away and doing nothing at all.
After so long apart, it had been just what they needed. Louis refused to let Harry on his twitter, and he himself had yet to look through the inevitable negative comments that would have been said about Harry’s sexuality. He knew the comments were getting Harry down though, and some of the interviewers who had talked about the ‘scandal’ had added some none-too-subtle jibes in themselves. Even though Harry had yet to talk about it, Louis knew it was bothering him.
They had been watching High School Musical, Louis’ choice, when the older boy had voiced his question. In reply to Harry’s confusion, he grinned, “No, seriously, how much would you pay to have sex with him. He’s pretty fit.”
Harry turned to the screen, watching as Troy and Gabriella danced around the screen. His face was solemn as he considered Louis’ question.
“A thousand pounds,” he finally declared, nodding his head. “Yep, a thousand pounds.”
Louis’ eyes nearly popped out of his head. “One thousand dollars. Jesus, Styles, I didn’t realize you were that much of a fan.”
“I’m not,” Harry admitted, shrugging a shoulder nonchalantly. Louis could feel him move against him and repositioned himself so he could grin directly at his boyfriend. “It’s more the whole ‘I slept with Zac Efron’ thing that would be cool.” He paused. “I like you better.”
“I know you do,” Louis grinned happily, leaning in to press a kiss against Harry’s neck that had the other boy squirming happily.
“You have a fabulous ass,” Harry teased.
“It’s my best feature.”
The two boys laughed, and Louis waited until Harry had quietened down before suggesting, “We should go out tonight or something. Maybe to a club.”
Hesitation flickered over Harry’s features and an odd feeling of nervous crawled over Louis’ skin. “Um…maybe we shouldn’t.”
Louis pulled back, laughing a bit louder than was necessary. Despite the fact that only seconds ago he had been content, there was a new feeling that was edging its way into his focus. The softness of the afternoon was ebbing away. “Okay, well maybe we can go to dinner. Somewhere nice! I’ll even dress up.”
“No Louis,” Harry frowned.
Hurt welled up inside of Louis and he blinked quickly trying to dispel the lump in his throat by clearing his throat. “Yeah, okay,” he muttered, pulling away from Harry so that they were a respectable distance apart, the warmth leaving his body instantly. There was a beat of silence that was filled by Zac Efron’s voice before Harry sighed, running a hand through his messy curls.
“Do you want to get pizza?”
Louis’ nodded, remaining completely silent. The comfortableness that they had been enjoyed was shattered so instantly that Louis was slightly confused as to what had happened. Taking a deep breath in, he grabbed Harry’s wrist gently.
“Why don’t you want to go out for dinner, Hazza?”
Harry stared at his hands where he played absentmindedly with the hem of his pants. “I don’t feel like it,” he said, and Louis bit his lower lip. It was clear to the both of them that Harry was lying.
“Why, Harry?”
Harry remained completely and utterly silent, and the room had fallen so still that Louis could hear his own heart pounding against his ears.
Louis licked his lips. “Are you ashamed of me?”
Silence.
Maybe that was what hurt the most, Louis thoughts as he began to blink back the tears that were stinging at his eyes. There was something so definite and final about Harry’s refusal to speak. Everything was making sense now, and Louis felt like hitting himself in the face. Harry had asked him not to visit him at the airport, he didn’t kiss him in front of the boys, and he only really acted like Harry when they were alone. God, Louis had missed all the signs, all pointing to the fact that Harry didn’t want people to know they were together. He was sostupid.
Before he even knew what he was doing, Louis was on his feet.
“Where are you going?” Harry asked his voice quiet and shaky as Louis walked past him. His curls hung in front of his eyes making him look too you and innocent.
Louis ignored the question letting it hand there unanswered. He wondered if he even knew himself what he was doing. His hands trembled violently as he attempted to pick up his car keys off the kitchen bench, and he took a moment to compose himself, breathing heavily. “You’re ashamed of me, aren’t you?” Louis asked, not facing his boyfriend. It wasn’t a question this time.
“I’m no—“
“Let’s go out to dinner Harry,” Louis bit out his voice sharp and mocking. “Or maybe we shouldn’t. You probably don’t want to be seen with your boyfriend, do you?” He laughed humourlessly. “Plain old Louis Tomlinson thought that Harry Styles actually liked him.”
“Don’t be like this Lou,” Harry said gently.
“I think I need to leave.” Louis said, shaking his head slowly. “I just…Harry, do you ever want to tell people about me?” He turned around, making sure to look Harry straight in the eye. The younger boy winced. “Or was I just meant to be your dirty little secret forever?”
Harry’s eyes dropped to the floor.
“Okay,” Louis nodded. “I get it. Yeah.”
“Louis, just—“
“I think I need to go.” Louis spoke calmly, making sure that his voice was even. He didn’t look at Harry as he grabbed his stuff, focusing only on his breathing. When he had gathered his clothes and items in his arms, he paused in the middle of the lounge room. He could feel Harry’s eyes on him, could feel the younger boy silently watching.
“Are you coming back, Boo?” Harry asked, his voice breaking on the last word.
Louis’ eyes flickered up, almost against his will to look at Harry. The younger boy looked broken and vulnerable and so, so beautiful.
“I don’t know,” he finally replied, before leaving the apartment.
