Midnight Shades

Chapter 22

I close my eyes as the tears slowly roll down. I try to balance my breathing and stop my heart from beating so fast, but it is hard when Wren continues talking, "Aengus isn't your true father, is he?"

And that is it. That is all it takes from here to break me into loud and unstoppable sobs. Four arms immediately wrap around my body as I cry harder into Wren's neck.

Why did it take four days for me to break down? Why didn't I break down when my mother first told me? Why did it affect me now? So many answers are available for these questions, but the clearest ones are; because you never knew that this has happened before. You never knew that they murdered three innocent souls for just loving each other. You never knew that your mother might have been in their place if Conall knew. You never knew that you wouldn't have been alive if it weren't for your mother and father. You never knew that loving Louis so much might bring great misery for you, and that he could be murdered because of you.

"No," I whimper loudly as another sob breaks through my mouth, breaking my heart all over again and making my friends' grip around me tightens. "This can't be true," I whisper as I cry, trying so hard to wake myself up from this awful reality.

I never meant to fall in love with Louis, and I'm sure that my mother never meant to fall in love with Peter. Things happen to all of us, and we carry all of the consequences of these things for those who we love. And it is true, even though what Wren said must stop me from continuing whatever is happening between me and Louis, I can't help but accept the challenge.

I do not want to do anything. I'm going to let things go as they go and I'm not going to stop what has already started and I will fully take the consequences of what will happen.

Wren pulls back slightly, pulling me back to reality with her as she rubs her hands up and down my back as Esme plants a small kiss at the top of my head. Esme finally speaks, "I think you should talk to your mother."

"I know," I finally say, though they understand it wrongly. "She told me when I left the training."

"What?" They both say in disbelief.

"You knew about it?" Esme questions.

"Yes, she told me when I got back from the training," I sigh as I wipe away my tears. "I'm sorry but I didn't know if I should tell you or not, but you guys already suspect it."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Lulah," Wren says as she gives me a frown. "I'm so sorry."

"His name is Peter," I say suddenly. "My real father."

"Did you meet him?" Esme asks softly.

"No," I shake my head slightly. "She gave me his address though."

"Does she still see him?" Wren furrows her eyebrows as she questions.

"She said that the last time she saw him was eight years ago, I guess. I can't remember." I inform them, taking a deep breath after.

"Well...?" Esme urges me.

"I think I will go," I finally decide. "I just don't know when and how."

"Well," Wren begins. "Wait for the right time I guess, and everything will go as it is planned. Don't worry yourself about it." She smiles softly and I return it.

Then, it stays quiet for the next ten minutes or so, us cuddled up on Esme's bed and just generally thinking about everything and anything.

You see, I once said that I underestimate a lot of things, and that is still true, because I underestimate my friendship with Esme and Wren for a lot of time, I just don't appreciate it enough or I don't give it much thoughts. It is moments like these when I sit down and realise that without my two best friends, I wouldn't be where I am today. I would be lost.