Best Friends Don't Sleep Together - A.H. Series #1

Chapter 33

"Oh, please," Chris sneered, taking a step back, "you needed someone to steer you in the right direction. And deep down you know it. That's why you never once stood up for yourself. I had to make every decision for you."

"That's not true-"

"Really? Who decided which college you should have enrolled to? Who decided what you should have majored in? Who ordered for you at restaurants? Who picked movies? Who decided every single thing?" Chris growled louder at each question, getting so close to me that I could smell his breath. What truly broke my heart more than his words was the fact that I couldn't smell any kind of alcohol in it. He wasn't drunk at all. All this meanness was him and him only.

"You didn't make those decisions for me, I only consulted you-"

"Oh, come on, Vivian, really?" He laughed hysterically. "I made you believe that! I molded you into what I wanted and you never even realized." Chris took another step forward and grabbed my chin roughly with his hand. "And it worked so well, didn't it? With me you were safe. Nothing's ever happened to you when you followed my directions. Instead, look what happened the moment you decided you should think with your own head."

"You're hurting me," I complained when his grip on my chin tightened.

Chris looked at me for a long moment before releasing my face and taking a step back. I stumbled backwards, rubbing my chin where his fingers had left an imprint on my skin. I couldn't believe what was happening. How could I have been so blind? I always thought that Chris was protecting me and looking out for me because he cared about me, but now it all seemed like a facade.

"You're insane," I whispered hoarsely.

Chris chuckled darkly, "No Vivian, just honest."

"You call this honesty? Laughing in my face, telling me all these horrible things ... this is honesty to you?" I shook my head violently, also to stop tears from falling. "This is just a wicked game. You're mad at me because of everything that happened."

"Oh, my God, will you wake the fuck up, Vivian?" Chris' dark laughter pierced through my soul more than my heart, hitting me where I've always been weaker - my love for him.

"So, all these years, they meant nothing to you." I could barely retain my tears. "All those sweet words, all those vows ... all of that was nothing."

"No," he contradicted me, "all of that was true." He came close again, this time caging me against the wall. "Because you know what, I do love you, Vivian."

His words sent shivers down my spine, but they couldn't thaw the despair in my heart. I always wanted to hear those three words from him and in the sense he clearly gave to them this time, but how could I believe them? How could he love me and still treat me like this? I tried to push past him and flee from his grasp, but he was too strong for me.

"Don't you see?" Chris leaned closer so that his breath tickled my skin. "You're mine, Vivy. You'll always be mine."

I shook my head vigorously, feeling sickened by the possessiveness of his tone. Only 4 months ago I'd have died to hear him say such things. Right now, they sounded like the words of a lunatic. I always thought his overprotectiveness was a sign that he really cared about me, I never realized just how close to the truth Laura was. She said it was jealousy, but it wasn't. It was always possessiveness. A sick kind of possessiveness.

"I'm not an object you can own." I protested weakly as I looked up into his now dark green eyes.

Chris' hand reached up to cup the back of my neck gently before pulling me closer, until our lips were almost touching. "That's funny," he smirked against my mouth, "because the past few years tell a different story." He murmured softly before kissing me roughly.

The exact moment I've always daydreamed about, the same thing I had always desired more than anything in this world, right now it felt revolting. Every cell in my body cried out in revulsion. And yet, a small part of me still accepted that kiss, feeling starved and lost. As soon as Chris pulled away again another tear slid down one cheek while anger burned inside my chest at how easily I caved under him even now that I knew the whole truth.

"You belong to me, Vivy, and you know it." Chris claimed, his smirk unfaltering.

I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of his words crushing me. He was right, in a way. I did belong to him. Not because he owned me or had any right over my body or soul, but because I allowed him to become the center of my world. Because every fiber of my being yearned for his touch and craved his love. But now it was time to break free from this toxic cycle and reclaim myself. "No," I whispered, opening my eyes again as a newfound determination coursed through me. "I don't."

Chris laughed, not taking me seriously. "You can't live without me."

"I'm pretty sure the past few months tell a different story." I mocked his tone from earlier.

"Without me, you had to come to mommy and daddy," he sneered, "without me, you put yourself in an impossible position." His grip on the back of my neck tightened just as his jaw clenched. "You really think you can function without me directing you?"

"How can you say you love me yet claim a right over me?" I bit back, needing to move away, but unable to - his vice on me was way stronger than it'd ever been. "How can you claim you love me when you're still treating me like a mindless object?"

"But I do love you, Vivy," his thumb stroked my cheek, "and if I don't have you, no one will."

I shuddered at his words, feeling my skin crawl under his touch. For the first time, I saw Chris for who he truly was - a manipulative man who would never let me be happy unless it served his own desires. His idea of love was possession. I guess I'd have to blame myself, too, for enabling him. 

But the truth was, he wasn't capable of love. I couldn't help but remind myself what I told Sebastian just a few hours ago: love is not, cannot be toxic. Love is the purest of emotions, if there is a chance that it's toxic, then it's not love, you just mistook it for love. "You don't." I muttered under my breath.

"I don't what?"

"You don't love me." I swallowed hard, the realization burning my heart more than his words did. "You never have." Tears streamed freely down my cheeks. "Love is not control, Chris. This isn't love, this is ... this is some twisted idea of love you matured somewhere along the line. This is anything but love."

"Is that what that criminal led you to believe?" He scoffed. "That I don't love you, he does? Do you even know what happened to his last girlfriend?"

"Sebastian has nothing to do with this." I defended, which was a mistake. Because Chris' hand moved from the back to my neck and I felt him squeeze just enough for my voice to become hoarse: "You don't own me, Chris." I insisted foolishly. Probably because part of me still believed he wouldn't physically harm me. "If you think you do, then you don't really love me."

Chris' eyes were dark with anger as he gripped my neck tightly. "You know what you're doing right now?" He spat out the words between gritted teeth. "You're testing me." He leaned in closer, his breath hot against my cheek. "You want to see how far I'm willing to go for you."

My heart thudded against my chest as a sudden wave of panic washed over me. I struggled to free myself from his grasp, but he held me firmly. "Please ..." I gasped for air. Willingly or not, he was cutting off my air intake.

"Listen to me," Chris growled against my ear, "you're mine and mine only. The sooner you accept that, the sooner we can forget this silly deviance of yours." He punctuated each word with a squeeze of his hand around my throat.

My mind raced as I tried to comprehend the severity of the situation. This wasn't just possessiveness anymore. It was plain abuse. I cried quietly as I tried to think of a way to free myself, but I had no room to move and no voice to call for help. I was certain that, the moment my parents and Adam had been told Chris was here, everyone had thought we needed privacy. If I listened closely enough, I could even hear them chatting in the backyard. I couldn't tell whether Dylan was with them. But if he was, Chris and I were completely alone.