perception [h.s]

t w e n t y o n e

t w e n t y  o n e

"i'm hiding what i'm feeling but i'm tired of holding this inside my head."

**

"Chloe?"

"Yes," My eyes met his.

"Do-" He hesitated, "Do you have feelings for me?"

"I-" My voice stuttered as I gauged Rita's eyes watching me warily.

My brain couldn't function a complete sentence, never mind voice everything that was running through my head- so when I finally spoke, my mind didn't quite catch up in time to stop me from saying six simple words that would cause much more pain than I'd anticipated.

"I d-dont think now's the t-time,"

The worst part of it all was that I didn't even look at him- I couldn't. But when I did, he was gone.

**

"Is everyone ready?" The producer called, and proceeded to run around like a headless chicken post hearing chorus' of yes.

"Shit I'm so nervous," Becca mumbled into her, now-confirmed, boyfriend's shoulder.

"Don't worry babe," He said as he wrapped his arm around her waist, "You'll do amazing, I promise you."

"Thanks babe," She smiled up to him before leaning up to plant a kiss on his nose.

My eyes quickly re-directed themselves as I felt a pang of guilt in my chest.

I could've had something like- someone.

I could practically hear the words spilling out of Rita's mouth right now; 'For god's sake Chloe, stop feeling sorry for yourself and go out there and perform a killer performance'

"Uh, you're right," I mumbled, only realizing that I had said it aloud once multiple heads turned in my direction - confused looks plastered on their made up faces.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna-" I pointed to the door, "G-Go, yeah I think I'll go, okay bye."

**

The adrenaline pumping through me after I had finished my performance was insane, yet it was mostly filled with anxiety. During the final chorus I'd felt my voice crack, causing me to lose focus and stumble on the words. I prayed people wouldn't have noticed but this was the freaking semi-final and the judges were fully prepared to criticize me where necessary.

"Hey Chloe," Marvin called, joining me on stage, "What a performance that was!" His enthusiasm was clearly part of the appeal but at the same time I appreciated his efforts to keep my spirits up. "Let's go to Simon first to hear what he had to think,"

"Hi, Chloe so I have to admit I was extremely impressed vocally with your performance tonight," Well that was a good start, "But," Here we go-, "obviously there was that slight incident in the final chorus where you wobbled a bit. That being said, you picked yourself back up and kept going and that shows your strength in this competition as well as the fact that you already have the necessary qualities of a true star."

Applause up-roared in the crowd as I thanked him, receiving a thumbs up in return. Will and Ricky's comments were along the similar lines of Simon's and I thanked each of them, feeling much more at ease after my nervous state.

"Oh my god Chloe!" Rita squeaked, leaping up from her chair, "I am honestly so proud of you tonight. Like, you made a little mistake but forget it okay, because like that-," She paused, "That doesn't matter because at the end of the day (a/n MITAM feels k bye) you just completely pulled off a not-easy song and yeah- you should be extremely proud of yourself and I'm sure everyone in here agrees," She raised her hands up to the audience as cheers echoed up to the stage.